Boundaries Pep Talk: Refocus on Taking Care of Yourself

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to the Modern Hairstylist podcast. I want you to close your eyes, unless you're driving, 'cause I know that you may be driving when you're listening to this. I want you to close your eyes, or if you're driving, then just paint this picture in your imagination, that it is 20 years from today, and you are looking back at today and your current circumstance, how much you're working, who you're working on, the services that you're actually doing, and the quality of life and wealth that you have.

Are you gonna look back 20 years from today and say, "Wow, I really wish that I was not doing all these services that made me miserable and drain all of my energy. I really wish that I wasn't coming in early, staying late, or on my days off. I really wish that I went to the events within my family that meant a lot that I said no to because I was pre-booked to smithereens and I had a client already in that space"? Are you gonna say, "I wish I was more present in my life and the events that I had and the dinners with my family and the parties with my friends, but I was just on my phone answering texts and, and talking to clients and rescheduling and managing my business all the freaking time"?

Are you gonna look back and are you gonna regret what you have going on right now? Because you do have the choice to make it so in 20 years, you look back on today and you look back at how you're working in your business, and you are proud of it, and you're like, "Thank God I stuck up for myself and I took control of my business and I was the one who said no to the things that I knew took away from my life in the long run." I think a lot of people, especially entrepreneurs, think about their business in the short term, and that comes from scarcity and that comes from pressures of society and capitalism, and that's totally understandable, but I also think that people don't, uh, don't take enough time to stop and realize, like, you have one life, and it's short, dude. It's really short.

I mean, how many times in our lives have we looked back and thought, "Damn," like, "I never would have expected this to come up. I, I, I wish that I would have done this. I wish I spent more time with this person before this happened," right? Like, how many times do the- does the most unexpected things happen and we have regrets about it, right?

But we all too often don't think about how to prepare for those moments, or what we're doing right now, so that way we don't look back and say those things. Trigger warning, I am gonna get into something medical and with my mom and a scary moment in my life, so just know that that's about to happen. Um, I had a really scary circumstance happen with me two, two-ish years ago where my mom had, like, a malpractice situation. Basically, the surgeon, like, fucked her up, and, um, she went septic, and long story short, she was in a medically induced coma for two entire months, and we did not know if she was going to live, and it was so confusing and awful and it wasn't even, like, her fault, and it wasn't just a normal, like, complication.

Like, she went in completely healthy and fine, and then a routine procedure turned into that, and all I could think of while she was, like, sitting in that bed and I didn't know if she was gonna make it through was, "Damn, I really freaking wish that I wasn't in the salon seven days a week and I would have gone over to her house on the weekends when she asked me to. I really wish that I wasn't on my laptop or texting my clients when I was at her house or during family dinners." Like, how fucked up is that? I don't want you to end up in the same circumstance, and that is why I am so passionate about teaching people how to implement boundaries in a way that feels good to both you and the client, because it's absolutely possible for you to have boundaries in your business, a work/life balance where you're saying yes to yourself and you're also saying yes to your clients, but you're saying no to the things that don't allow you to serve them really well or serve yourself really well.

So, today, I'm gonna be giving you a good pep talk about boundaries, and I'm gonna share with you a little bit of strategy and the things that I teach to make it so you can have boundaries and say no, but still have a thriving business at the same time. So, if you're ready to get into it, let's go. What's the tea, friend? My name's Hunter Donia, industry business educator for hairstylists, but my friends just call me Hunty.

Whether it be growing your clientele, making more money, or automating and streamlining your systems, in the next 20 minutes or so, you'll be hearing realistic, actionable strategies to create a beautiful career for yourself behind the chair. So if you're ready to get into it, welcome to the Modern Hairstylist podcast. So, the first thing I wanna start off, uh, here with, is most likely if you're listening to this, is you are an entrepreneur, right? Like, you're a CEO.

Like, you are the owner of your business, and even if you're not, like even if you're an employee or something like that, or like a manager or whatever it may be, even if you're an employee, you still... The nature of the way that you do business, you still own the way that you're working with your clients in one way or another, and I know that there's outside circumstances that affect that and yada yada, but just, just be with me here, all right? You got into this industry and maybe you decided to be your own boss because you wanted to make your own freaking rules, right? You wanted to make the decision of when you worked, how you worked, what you said yes to, and what your client experience and journey looks like.

So, why is it, and I know that this happened to me in my suite, why is it that we go into entrepreneurship and then we bring all of the old habits that we hated, the old things that we were trying to escape, into our new venture? And when we b- go into our new venture as entrepreneurs, not only do we oftentimes bring in our old habits and our old way of doing things, we also are adding a shit ton of more responsibility, more stress, more time working onto our plates.Right? And I wanna just say quickly to, you know, I know that there are certain seasons where you need to work hard and sacrifice.

I talk about that a lot, and I'm a full believer that you do need to sacrifice in certain times of your life to, to gain in the long term, right? What I teach too, though, is how to do that in the most streamlined and beautiful way where everybody wins the best that they possibly can. And a little bit of short-term sacrifice and putting in the work to set up your boundaries and your systems can make it so you have so much more time and freedom in the future, no matter what growth phase you're in of your business right now. So just know, like, if...

I'm not saying that you should stop doing the things that are helping you pay the bills and put food on the table. But I am saying that if you are putting in all this freaking work, what is it actually for at the end of the day? And is the way that you are doing business right now, the way that you're living your life right now, is it truly sustainable? And I have a lot of people come into my program and be in this circumstance where like, they are just, like, I can't even imagine and they can't even imagine being in business and doing business the way they're doing for more than one or two more years before they are burnt the hell out.

So I'm gonna go back to, again, like, what did you get into entrepreneurship for? Wasn't it to, like, have more time freedom and to have more wi- work-life balance and to be less miserable in your, in your career? And the beauty is, is that we live into, in this day and age where your clients are behaving in a certain way that empowers you to do business in a certain way that everybody wins, where you can still have a thriving business and you can still have a thriving work-life balance and you're happy and they're happy, right? So if you created this business and if you're feeling like you created this business and you ended up putting way more work on your plate, or you have a really difficult time saying no because now you have this scarcity because now you're your own boss and you're like, "I'm completely in charge of my own success and my own income and if I don't come in early, stay late to fit these new clients in, if I don't pre-book myself into the ground, if I don't, if I, if I, uh, raise my prices," right?

"Then the rug is gonna pull out from under me and I'm not gonna have any clients left to love me and I'm not gonna have enough money to live." And it's like, dude. You will be fine, number one. You are a smart, beautiful human being and you will make things work no matter what happens.

But I will also share again, you can do all of these things, you can have it all if you've done the work and you do it in the right way, in the way that clients are preferring it now and in the way that hundreds of stylists are doing it and paving the way for the next generation of stylists. I looked back at my salon suite business and how much time it took away from me, and I was looking into the future and I was like, "Damn," like, "I'm just spending so much time freaking working," like, "what's the point of this life," right? I mean, I was in my, I was in my 20s, right? Like, I'm, I was in my early 20s and I was non-stop working.

Meanwhile, all my friends are just, like, being, like, young adults and kids and, like, going out and having fun and, like, having new experiences. And meanwhile, I'm over here freaking working my ass off. And for what? And for what?

Some of that short-term sacrifice I do not regret, absolutely not, because it set me up for so much success in the future. But a lot of that sacrifice I do regret. And it's my goal and my mission here today to maybe help you commit moving forward to a life where every single moment you're living day-to-day and you understand that all you have is right now And the only thing that you have is this one life, this one opportunity given to you to make the most out of it. So I'm gonna ask again, what did you get into entrepreneurship for?

Was it to work your ass off and to sacrifice all the time and just to get by? Or was it to have more work-life balance, to create scalability so that way you can make your own schedule and work whenever you want and take a week off of work and not have to worry about making up days or making up the b- the paycheck, right? I had somebody tell me, uh, the other day because I went on a rant on my story about I canceled my clients because we had Canada's wildfires come down to this area and I, like, could not breathe. And I was talking about how I don't...

I, I canceled my clients and, um, I did that although it was scary and, like, I didn't really want to. Um, I did it anyway. And somebody replied to the story and they were like, "You're so lucky that you have this additional stream of revenue through education so that way you can do that and not stress out about it." I said, "Girl, this was me be- like, before I even got, made a dime from education."

When I was working full-time behind the chair and I was doing four days a week and only doing services that I love, I absolutely could cancel my day, not even reschedule them if I didn't want to, and I would be completely fine. I could take off a complete week, even two weeks of work and I'd be completely fine Why? Because I set the fundamentals and the foundations of my business up for that, for success. And I understood how to get clients into my chair and how to get them coming back with an excellent client experience.

And I ha- and I leaned into innovative technology that helped me manage that very well. So it's possible for you, my friend. It truly, really is. You don't have any excuses anymore.

I'm here to help you and show you that roadmap and how to set up those things. It's out there for you. There's tons of education out there for you for buil- business building and setting up, setting yourself up for success. There's tons of education to help you be a better hairdresser and a better business owner.

So you can put those boundaries into place and do it confidently without having to worry about failing or the rug being pulled out from under you, right? And here's the other thing. Your boundaries and your systems benefit your clientsRight? Your boundaries and your systems benefit your clients too.

And the reason why is because you're ... if you're showing up and you're doing this person or this service that you hate, and you feel like you are getting underpaid for, or there's not enough money in the world for you to actually want or enjoy doing this, or this person, right? Then you're not doing a service to that person by showing up and doing it anyway. There's somebody else out there, there's another stylist in your area who is going to get along with that person and love doing their service much more than you.

And I don't know about you, but whenever I get a service done, I want my service provider to be passionate and excited about what they're doing on me, because I know that they're gonna do it better, and they're gonna do it the best. So how much are you giving up of yourself? How much are you faking it till you make it, which is such an old school bullshit thing that we all follow and we were all taught? How much are you faking it till you make it so you're losing yourself and you're not even serving your client to the standard that they deserve if you truly care about the impact that you're making behind the chair?

How much is that actually worth you, to you at the end of the day? And analytically, on paper, in business, it makes more sense for you to be working on services and people that you actually love, because that will raise your new client retention and help your business in the long term. How much are we just making short term, reactive decisions, or we're allowing our uncomfortability or the fear of change hold us back from a whole new beautiful way of living, and a whole new beautiful way of doing business? Would you rather be uncomfortable right now permanently, or would you rather go through the temporary uncomfortable change of setting those boundaries?

Sorry, I'm getting a little preachy right now, but dude, it's just, I see so many stylists in these Facebook groups always talking about, "I hate this career. I wish I chose something else. It's so exhausting, I'm so burnt out." And it's like, it doesn't have to be that way.

Especially being a solo stylist, I feel you and I understand you. That's why I'm here today, because I was in that space too. And I get it, like the responsibilities and the consistent worrying and feeling like everything is changing all the time. I totally get it.

And that's why I wanna teach you how to set up the leverage and the systems and foundations that you need to make it so you're not always on and always working and always freaking the hell out and not feeling like you have the leverage to make changes, and do it in a beautiful, comfortable way. Boundaries are so much more than just your mindset. I could sit here and I could give you all of this pep talk and inspire you, and you could say, "Hell yeah, I'm gonna do the price increase. I'm gonna get rid of this client and fire them, because they step all over me and they make me feel like shit.

Hell yeah, I'm gonna have the difficult conversation that I do not wanna talk about these politics and these shitty views in my salon anymore, with my client." You might be saying that to yourself right now. But no matter how much you think you're prepared, the moment that it happens is always going to be different. And having systems set up in your business to help support you when you are carrying out these things is such a game changer.

Not to mention, a community and a mentor that can help you do it strategically and hold you accountable and root you on, and be there to catch you when it's over. Having a digital consultation form, a specific way that somebody goes through booking with you for the first time, allows you to non-confrontationally in the front end say no to things that don't bring you joy, and not have any guilt about it because you know that you're doing it in a streamlined, beautiful way, and all you have to do is just click a button. Right? There are so many beautiful ...

Ooh, a wait list, right? Like, having a wait list, having online booking allows you to not work 24/7 and be on your phone all the time, and allow your clients to be empowered to do business with you by themselves, the way that they prefer to do it anyway. This isn't just a mindset thing, because I know for me, when I'm looking face to face with somebody and I don't have anything else to support me and back me up, then I'm most likely going to lean into the human helper side of my brain that's trying to keep me safe and comfortable, and I'm gonna give up on myself, 'cause that's who I am and that's who I know I can be sometimes, right? We are only human, and we are in an intensely emotional industry where we've created these wildly deep relationships.

I don't expect anybody to have to say no and stay strong every single time without some support. And the beauty of systems is that they can be your support system. They can help you serve the client better in the ways that they prefer. You can give solutions, you can take care of them in a very quick and easy, convenient way that they love, and also stand up for yourself and not lose out or screw yourself over as the very human person that you are, the one that has real emotions, real trauma, real patterns and habits.

I don't know about you, but I think there's enough that we stress about in our businesses. I don't want you to have to worry about all this, uh, these emotions and all these difficult conversations that give you so much fucking anxiety when you go into your business. I just don't think that it's necessary, and that's why I have cracked the code for myself, 'cause I was so sick of screwing myself over, to make it so I can show up for myself and I can say no, and I won't back down, but I will not jeopardize my success either. If you're listening to this, this is your sign to make the change, to set up the system that will help you hold yourself accountable to boundaries, and to maybe also have the conversation that you don't wanna have, or commit to working with me or whatever program that you know is going to help you in setting things th-, these things up, hold you accountable, root you on, and get you through to the finish line, and help you work through the uncomfortability of the change, because the uncomfortability's not gonna go away.

But you're gonna do it uncomfortable, you're gonna do it scared, and you're not growing if you're not uncomfortable, right? And growth is the only way that we can make the most out of this very short lifespan that we are given, the only one that we're given. And I want you to look back at yourself now in 20 years, and I want you to say, "That person was working hard for me to not regret any of my decisions. That person was working so hard so in 20 years I can live the life that I deserve, and that's possible for me."

But it's gonna take you having guidelines, structures, procedures, and boundaries for that to happen. If you want my support in making that happen, I'm happy and excited to work with you, my friend. You can go to hunterdoniak.com if you'd like to figure out how to work with me, or you can shoot me a DM and we can talk about your current circumstance and what you wanna work through, and I'd be happy to share with you what my thoughts are.

So, thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Modern Hair Stylist Podcast. Peace out, girl scout. Bye-bye.

End of transcript. © 2023 Hunter Donia LLC.