Getting Over The Guilt of Not Working or Taking Time Off

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to the Modern Hairstylers podcast. So today, we're gonna be talking about how to get over the guilt of being sick and taking time off in your business. I don't know if you know this, my friend, but the majority of the episodes that we actually do on the Modern Hairstylers podcast are written in from you guys, the people who listen to this podcast.

And this was, I believe, right, Caitlin, it was like one of the entries that we got in my S- Instagram story when we asked what you guys wanna hear about. So, you guys wanted to hear about how to get over the guilt of taking time off, and I am totally down to freaking talk about this. I might get a little political, but that's okay. Y'all know I spill the fucking tea and I keep it real, and y'all can take what you want and leave what you don't.

So, if you're ready to get into it, let's go. What's the tea, friend? My name's Hunter Donia, industry business educator for hairstylists, but my friends just call me Hunty. Whether it be growing your clientele, making more money, or automating and streamlining your systems, in the next 20 minutes or so, you'll be hearing realistic, actionable strategies to create a beautiful career for yourself behind the chair.

So if you're ready to get into it, welcome to the Modern Hairstylers podcast. Caitlin. Hunter. Do you get guilty when you take time off?

Yes. Yes, I do. Uh, it's not even so much just taking time off, but it's like I, I have this, like, toxic mindset sometimes, I, lately, as of late, where I feel guilty when I'm not thinking about my business, like, 24/7, and it got me into this, like, really shitty place, whole, it's a whole situation, but yes, long story short. Well, I'm h- happy to hear about your whole situation, if you would like to share with us.

So, leading up to the end of 2022, I probably spent the whole last quarter of the year where I was just like 24/7, like, I was constantly thinking about business. I couldn't tell you when the last time was that I had sat down on my couch and watched a show or even turned on the TV in general, and I wasn't doing anything that, like, filled my cup. And of course, it burnt me out and, like, I'm still recovering from that. And it just, like, it really made me realize, like how important it is just to take time off for yourself, even if it's like an extended weekend.

Like, we're not talking, like, take two weeks off. I mean, do that too, but, uh, just taking time to, like, really, like, work on yourself and just not thinking about your business, it's so, so important. Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it.

Um, and I'm sure that a lot of people are gonna be able to relate to it, you know? I, th- I, this is not a unique experience, hate to tell you, my friend. You know what I think that social media has done in a posi- what, one thing po- one positive thing that social media has done is it makes you realize that nobody has a unique experience. Like, there is somebody out there who is experiencing the same emotions as you are, right?

It, it, it's so true. And so, especially this, I mean, where I said, where I joked that I was gonna get political, you know? I'm, I'm sorry, friend, but we live in capitalism and it's fucking toxic, dude. Like, the messaging of capitalism and how it's conditioned us to be, it is just, there's a lot of toxicity behind it, right?

And I think that there's a lot to be said for conscious capitalism, 'cause like this is what has been dealt to us, right? And I try to practice that as much as I possibly can, right? But, you know, in this world, in the society that we live in, especially if you live in America, it causes these intense feelings and emotions and dread and panic and anxiety inside of us when it comes to how we are making a living and how we're making an income. And in the last episode, possibly, I don't know if it's the last episode or so, we talked about navigating emotions and fear-based decisions and all of that stuff, and it's the same situation, right?

It's- it's- it's our constant anxiety and fear of like, "I don't know if I'm gonna have my next paycheck." Or like, "What if I do this," or, "What if this is just like a fluke?" I know that I get this all, I've had this feeling all the time, all the time, no matter what. I'm like, "Yeah, like, I did pretty well with this, with this initiative, you know?

I'm doing okay in my business right now, but it's just temporary. Like, it's too good to be true. Like, I'm not gonna hold onto this moment and actually enjoy it, because I know that, like, that this is just because, like, of luck, right?" Or, um, "I- I can't get too comfortable because I have to stay on my toes because I feel like everything's gonna crash and burn if I do take a break," right?

"If I do take a step back and if I do, like, really just invest into myself, I'll f- I'll miss out on an opportunity, or, um, I won't be showing up when I have to. And all of a sudden, everything is going to just freaking sky fall and, like, die. You know? Like, and every, and everything's going to, going to crash and burn and I'll lose everything that I've worked so hard for," right?

Those are a whole lot of tricks that your brain is playing on you, right? And it's not your fault, and it's a completely, like we said, completely relatable experience that I think everybody goes through, right? And I personally had to go to therapy for this. Last year around this time, I believe, I started going to therapy specifically for this situation.

Still struggle with it and I still work on it so, so diligently every single freaking day of my life. But back then, it was fucking bad. Like, very, very, very bad. And there was no way that I could have, like, continued in my business or, like, just continued in my life if I still felt the way that I was felt, and I was behaving the way that I was behaving.

Because it's one thing to, like, have anxiety or fear or depression, like, because of these things, and then it's another thing to be like behaving in certain ways because of those anxieties, right? And then like, well that can make it even worse, you know? So for example, like I said, I'll have all this ex- existential dread and anxiety around, like, if the business is gonna fail or if it's gonna do well, whatever it may be. And then that will domino effect into me working my ass off, and then working out of like desperation and fear, so then I'm, like, not even putting, like, a good effort into what I'm doing.

Which then makes it so I don't get good results...... which then makes it so I feel even more scared and more fearful. And then I work harder, and then I don't get good results, and then I'm more scared and more fearf- so it's this awful cycle, right? It is proven.

It is a fact. I don't give a shit. If you aren't taking a step back, and resetting, and pouring into yourself first, you're never going to make this dream happen for yourself. You're never going to get out of that cycle of anxiety and fear, right?

Because what I've also learned just through my, like, crazy breakup that I just went through is that the only thing that can make you happy, like, the only source of happiness is all from within yourself, and it's not from this business, because your business... You are not your business. I'll say it a million times. You are not your business.

Um, the way that you make your money is... has nothing to do with your personal identity. Like, I- as much as it feels like it does, and sometimes it's- it's great to take pride in those things, you have a separate life, you have a separate identity than- than what you do for a living, right? And the only thing that's gonna bring you happiness is how you take care of yourself and how you treat yourself and the body that you live in and the conscious soul that you are in, that you have, right?

That is the only way that you're going to achieve happiness. And you cannot show up and make money, like, the tool that you need to be able to do those things if you aren't consistently having a balance of both. It just is what it is, right? I mean, I know a lot of people who have a fuck ton of money who are miserable, and they work their asses off to make that happen for themselves, and I don't necessarily regret how I've worked my ass off up until, you know, when I got therapy, right?

Because it has set me up to where I was today. But if I kept going and moving how I was, I would have completely burnt out, and I- and this business that I have right now, the impact that I'm making in other people's lives, which I take so seriously, I would not have the opportunity to do, like period. It just would not happen, right? So what are your thoughts, Kaylin?

I mean, I completely agree. Like, I mean, it's something that, like, we have very similar circumstances. Like, you recognized that you couldn't keep going at the rate that you did, and so, like, you knew that you had to make that shift, and it sometimes, unfortunately, it does take, like in my situation, like quite literally crashing and burning. Like, "I am burnt the fuck out.

I need to stop and rest." 'Cause like, also, like, I mean, I was getting sick week after week. It felt like I was always sick. So like, it's these signs that your body is giving you that, like, you need to slow down a little bit.

And at the end of the day, like, sure, it's great to have a successful business, but like Hunter said, like, you- you are not your business. And like, if you're not enjoying your life outside of work or you're not giving yourself time outside of work, I mean, is that really gonna be worth it? Like, that's just... It's such a- it's such a toxic thing to, like, really, like, get into that, like, "Yeah, pound the pavement.

I gotta, like, make that money. Blah, blah, blah." Like, you have to have balance. It's so, so important.

Kaylin, thank you for sharing that. I say all of this to say that when I first started therapy and when I first started to very diligently practice separating myself and my own identity from, like, my job, it was very difficult. It was extremely uncomfortable. I absolutely felt so much guilt in my- in my own soul and my brain, right?

And that was being behind the chair, like, four days a week at that point and working on my education business, right? So that was a lot. You know, I was doing a lot. And when I really started to, like, intentionally take time off and set physical boundaries and systems where, like, I literally could not work, right?

Because I l- li- like, my phone was off and away or my computer was in a completely different room than I was in, you know? It was extremely uncomfortable, and that guilt absolutely came out. Like, and those feelings are gonna come out, right? But I noticed that the more and more and more that I practiced, the more I got really comfortable and started really enjoying time with myself, you know?

And, you know, we could go into, like, also, like, not working and then, like, wha- like, what you're avoiding by going to work . You know what I mean? That too. That's also a part of it as well, especially when we're talking about working with other people and serving other people, right?

This is the other part of this conversation. It can feel like we are letting people down, and that is the worst feeling ever, right? Like, and especially as service providers and ones of our nature, you know, we got into this industry because we love to make the impact that we- that we make in people. And to be honest, like, there is no way that I could be making an impact in anybody's life, whether it be behind the chair or in my education, if I wasn't taking care of myself and setting the boundaries that I need to, especially now at this point.

It's like, it's just not gonna happen, you know? I- I- I can not work my ass off as much as I used to. Yeah, I'm busy. Yes, I get stressed out.

Yes, I'll work, like, an extra hour every now and then, but I- I truly, like... Once it hits 5:00, like, I will most likely log off. The weekends, I truly do not, like, do anything, you know? And at first, it was really difficult for me to, like, be okay with that.

And my friends would think I was crazy , you know? And now I look back and I was like, "I would have thought I was fricking crazy too." I would literally bring my laptop and, like, open it up when I was hanging out with my friends. Like, that was wild.

So I get it, feeling like you're letting people down, especially your clients when they're like, "Oh, I need my hair done for this event," or, "Oh, I hate my gray. I look so, like, trash. I, like, despise it." I get it.

And especially when you're the one who's in control of your own schedule, you're the one who's making those decisions, it can feel like you... Like, there is something you can do about it, so therefore, you're gonna feel guilty because you feel like you're letting these people down. Number one, I will fucking guarantee you, this person would not show up for you in that same way. I can 100% guarantee you.

I see it all the fucking time. You will- you will see your client's true colors when you make shifts and when you start setting boundaries for yourself. And whe- where you thought that this was this person that would do anything for you and they were your friend, your best bud, this- your- your heart's gonna be broken, my friend, like truly. So just remember that, number one.

Number two, remember...You cannot serve anybody until you have served yourself first. I've learned this lesson the hard way, and I've shared those stories in the past. But genuinely, like, I would so much rather you spend time with yourself and take care of yourself so that way you can show up for that person when you are ready to, and then serve them with your 110%.

And that is a much better long-term strategy, and a much more impactful strategy as well too, if you take some time to first serve yourself so that way you can then give that person your 110. Because you can't otherwise, you know? If you're an impact-driven human being that, uh, like the same way that I am and I know Caitlin is, then you just can't do it. It's just not gonna happen.

So, understand that if you feel like you're being selfish or if your client's making you feel bad, whatever it may be, however selfish you feel, just know that you being selfish right now is the most selfless thing that you can do, right? It is truly the most selfless thing that you can do. And what about you? What about you and how you feel and what you need and what you, what you deserve?

What about your family? What about your friends? What about this fucking life being so stupidly short, right? Like, life is short.

It's just fucking hair. People will be fine. I'll move into the strategy part of things now. Having solutions in your business and making sure that you're setting yourself up for as much success as possible is going to be important in making it so that way you don't have to feel guilt about taking time off, right?

So this could look like making sure that you're not overbooked by pricing yourself properly to make sure that your demand is controlled. This could look like making it so you have a limited booking range so you're not absolutely booked solid and somebody doesn't have to wait three and a half months to get back in with you unless you stayed late, came in early, or on your days off. Adding those strategies into your business will be really, really helpful strategically. At-home color kits.

You know, my good friend LJ over at Thrive OTech creates this fucking kickass machine where you can, like, vacuum seal color jars, and you can, like, send people home with a formula, right? Um, instead of having to be the one that is actually doing the color, you know? Um, things like that. Like, having solutions and strategies and being proactive versus reactive, right?

I always talk about that. Setting up systems so you can be proactive in these during those times will make it so people are still taken care of and you are making it so it's the best case scenario possible without you having to break your own boundaries to make that person happy. And at the end of the day, if you have to break your own boundaries to make somebody else happy, right, then you are no longer the right fit for them, and maybe this isn't the right business for you. You know?

Maybe it's not. And I know for me personally, this happened to me very recently actually, I know that I had to make a kind of a big decision for my business where I was like, "I don't want to do this because it's going to be expensive and there's going to be shifts and changes that happen with it, but if I don't do this, then I don't think that I can have the business long term because it's what I have to do to make this sustainable for me as a human being so I can still have a personal life and so I can still reap the benefits of the effort and labor that I'm putting into this," right? So, put in the strategy, put in the time, and then also put in the mindset work of setting y- things apart from you and systematically separating you from the business, right? And then setting things up so that way you can serve your clients to the best of your abilities proactively so you can take time off or you can have a sick day or sick week last minute and you won't be digging yourself this massive hole of having to come in early, stay late on your days off, right?

I have plenty of solutions in my own business and what I teach that will definitely assist in that for sure. Wait lists, right? Wait lists that are not just like your booking system wait lists, like wait lists that actually give you control and give you the information that you need and give your clients the information that they need, making sure that you have online booking just set up period, and online booking that is like, like set up nicely, easy for your client to use. Making it so that, like I said, the limited booking range.

You're not crazily booked out all the freaking time, right? Price increases to make sure that you're not crazily booked out all the freaking time, you know? Multiple things. There's a lot of things that you can do that I talk about in all of these other episodes.

So, my action steps to you, my friend, is to get really comfortable with being okay with not fucking working for a second, okay? It's okay. You're gonna be fine. Your business is fine.

People's hair is gonna be fucking fine. They're gonna be okay. Okay? Little tinsel at the root never hurt anybody, honey.

It's, we're all human, and you're not gonna be able to serve people unless you serve yourself first, and getting people sick is not the tea. So, like, don't go in to work with being sick. Like, I'd be pissed if I was a client. Like, I'd rather you, like, stay home and, like, not do my hair.

If you have to break your own boundaries to make somebody else happy, they're not the right fit for you. And be strategic and be proactive and come up with systems and put systems and strategies into place that will help you and assist you when you have to go through these times or when you have to plan some time off or when you're sick or when you have to reschedule people, et cetera, et cetera. That's my actionable steps for you, my friend. Caitlin, do you have anything to share before we log off?

Um, nothing groundbreaking, but like, I mean, I think it's important to remember too that, like, I, I know that we're always gonna have that, like, pang of guilt to a certain degree when we take time off, whether it's sick leave or vacation, whatever have you, but, like, I think it's important to remember that any career path, every single person gets to take a sick day. Every person has the opportunity to take a vacation, and you are not getting paid for your sick days like these other people are. So, it's, it's okay to take those days, and I know that part of that guilt sometimes too is the fact that you're not getting paid for those days, but that's, that's a whole nother episode. We could talk about all of that stuff too.

But, um, yeah. Just give yourself some grace, my friend. It is, uh, it's never an easy thing to, like, get rid of the guilt behind taking time off, but you're still allowed to. So, that's, that's basically all I have.

I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but... No, you're right. It's not easy, and we all have to go through it, and it's never gonna be easy. That's the other thing.

It's still not easy for me, honey. I will say, I have a much, I'm much more partial to being okay with the time that I have off now. Like, I'm much more comfortable with taking time off. But, it, when I do, when I am off, right, when I am purposefully taking time off, it's easy for, like, the feeling of anxiety or guilt or fear to creep in, you know?

And then I have to be like, "I'm hi- I'm off right now. That's not the person I am right now, and I need to take care of myself and not think those things and, like, distract myself or take care of myself in a different way so that way that anxiety doesn't come up, right, and then move on." So, feelings are gonna come up. You're only human, and we live in this crazy ass society where fear is just, like, instilled in us, right?

But there's things that you can do 100% to help. So, know you're not alone, and know that I'm here to help you strategically and systematically, and that I support you and we love you. And we hope that you have a blessed rest of your day, my friend, and thank you so much for tuning in to the Modern Hairstyles podcast, and we'll catch you in the next episode.

End of transcript. © 2023 Hunter Donia LLC.