Holiday Season (Part 2): How to Set Boundaries During the Holidays

Hello, friend. Welcome back to Modern Hairstylist Podcast. Happy holidays, bitch. We got- we got ...

Um, listen. Okay, we're about to talk about something so important, okay? Like, this is, like, aggressively important, and you, uh, you know already, like, if you've been listening to me for a moment, like, you understand how much I value and how much, um, I think it's super important for us to be setting really strong boundaries and to have a work/life balance as a profession, because we're in this profession where we can make so much freaking money by working our asses off, but at the same time, there is a possible way for you to hold strong in taking care of yourself at the end of the day. And all of these things come up and conflict us during this season specifically, and so we're gonna be talking about how to na- navigate your family and your friends and also take care of yourself without burning out during the busy season.

So, let's get into it. Let's go. Let me guess. You are a hustling, bustling hairstylist behind the chair, working so hard to build a beautiful career for yourself, one that gives you time, freedom, and energy to spend with yourself, your family, and your friends.

But you feel like you're always working in your business, even when you're not behind the chair. My name's Hunter Donia, and I help you automate your systems and implement really beautiful strategies so you can grow your business without the overwhelm. And this is the Modern Hairstylist Podcast. Kaitlyn, what's the tea?

How are you? Who are you? My name's Kaitlyn. I work for Hunter.

I'm also a hairstylist. I'm mostly here just to kind of help keep Hunter on track and to add in my unapologetic opinion here and there, just to kind of tune in with all the good things, and, you know... Yeah. Kaitlyn's iconic, and we very much appreciate her being here.

I wouldn't be able to exist. This podcast wouldn't exist without her, so everybody say, "Thank you, Kaitlyn," in your car or wherever you're listening to this out loud right now. Boom. Go.

Oh, I heard it. Thank you so much. Okay, so we're not just gonna be talking about how to navigate family and friends. We're gonna be talking about other things here as well, too, um, specific to the busy holiday season, and, um, I would like to do a whole other episode s- just specifically about how to say no to family and friends, and, like, all of that whole situation, but I am gonna give y'all, like, a quick, like, tip for this, because I think it's such a massive thing that comes up specifically in this season.

So, we're gonna be talking about multiple things. We're gonna be talking about how to... Like, we should just be talking about the importance of taking care of yourself during this time. Um, we're gonna be talking about verbiage for family and my fri- and your friends.

We're gonna be talking about solutions that can help you during the holiday season when you're so slammed and booked and busy, and we're gonna be talking about how you should probably be taking a vacation, some, like, time off after the holidays, right? So, if we're down for that, I'm down to get into it. Are you down for that, Kaitlyn? I am so down.

Let's go. So, very first and foremost, okay, I- if you listened to last week's episode, then you know that I talked a lot about the fact that I don't r- really necessarily love the fact that people want to come in early, stay late on their days off during the holidays. I think that you can totally make more money during this time without working more, right? So, you know, you shouldn't necessarily have any more burnout now than you do at other times, okay?

The only reason why you might have more burnout is because personal life is heavy and very busy other than just your work life as well, too. So, you know, when your personal life is heavy, then your, then your business definitely gets in the way and everything adds up and it's a little crazy. And so regardless of whether you're working more or things are busier at work, things are just gonna be busier in the world and crazier in the world in general, so you are gonna want to be taking care of yourself, okay? And super simple.

This isn't some crazy business strategy or super fancy verbiage. This is just, like, make sure that you're taking some time for yourself, okay? You can't show up and serve anybody well without first pouring into yourself first. And I know it's corny.

I know we say it all the time, but goddamn it, everybody needs a reminder every now and then. Like, I literally, like... I give you permission right now, like, listen, this was the sign from, from the universe that you needed to be listening to this podcast today. I'm not even fucking kidding.

You need to chill and you need to give your permission, y- yourself permission, and I give you permission, if that means anything, to just take a moment to take care of yourself. Pour into yourself. Splurge on yourself, meditate, do something healthy for yourself. You know, it's really interesting when we consider, like, how we take care of ourselves.

Sometimes we lean into kind of, like, unhealthy, not really great things to take care of ourselves, um, and then sometimes we lean into, like, really productive and healthy things to take care of ourselves. I think it's, there's a nice, like, healthy balance of both sometimes, um, so just, just take in consideration, like, like, what can you do that is gonna set you up for success and make sure that you're not burnt out or feeling shittier at the end of this holiday season? So, for me, for example, I actually really like to meditate. I went on, I went on this, like, wellness, uh, retreat situation a couple months ago and I learned so much about, like, um, meditation and yoga and, like, stretching and, like, all this shit, and I've been really, really enjoying that.

I love going for walks around my neighborhood. I love spending time with my friends that, like, isn't something where I feel like I am laboring, right? Like, sometimes when you're spending time with certain friends or certain family members, it doesn't really feel like you're getting poured into. It feels like you're almost, like, pouring more out, you know?

Uh, make sure you're surrounding yourself with as much positive, um, positive people who pour into you as well, mutually, right, as much as you possibly can. And just, like, do whatever, do whatever works for you to f- so you can feel really nice and reenergized, because this is a time where you do have to, unfortunately, pour into a lot of people around you. And it's a beautiful thing. It's a great thing that we all c- can c- all come together and we can take care of each other and make people feel beautiful, all the things, but it can really deplete you and make you feel like shit, and I don't want you to feel like shit.

Kaitlyn, do you have any, like, personal ways that you take care of yourself? Uh, yeah. A lot of the stuff that you said actually is very similar to myself. Um, but I found too that even, like, something that I don't do very often 'cause I don't really enjoy it is I don't really like shopping for clothes.

So, when I do actually, like, treat myself to a shopping day, like, I'll give myself, like, a certain amount to go splurge on and buy, like, some new clothes 'cause, you know, whatever. Buy myself a coffee, get a little peppermint mocha action, and that's really nice. I, it's just like, there's all these different forms of self-care, like going and getting a pedicure, uh, getting a massage, a facial, whatever you need to do for yourself. But just, like, having, I feel like, some alone time even is just, like...

It's so overlooked. Like, just, like, take some time away from your family and away from your clients and just, like, be with yourself, and just, like, love on yourself a little bit. It's, it's truly, like, such a beautiful thing. I completely agree, and I love that you brought that up 'cause it's like sometimes it, it...

Sometimes it's not the things that you have to, like, go and spend money on, you know? Sometimes it's truly the things where it's just, like, you take a fucking moment, you know? And don't feel guilty for it because you can't show up for anybody. You, you can't show up for your kids, your clients, your family, your friends, your cl-...

For, for yourself unless you've taken care of yourself first, period. So, here's your permission, my friends. Love on yourself, take care of yourself. Okay, let's get into the sexy stuff, the stuff that you came here for.

So, w-... As you know, at this time, you know, everybody's like, "Hey, girl, bring your scissors to h-... Uh, to our, our Christmas dinner." It's like, "Bitch, my scissors are at the salon locked the fuck up and I'm not grabbing my shit, ho."

Like, no, ma'am. So, here's verbage. Here's just, like, some quick verbage. Again, I wanna do a whole episode about this, but here's some quick verbage.

And I get it, this is aggressively difficult to navigate, like, aggressively. Because a lot of the times you won't have family member- members who understand your side of things, right? They don't u-... Nobody understands the actual labor that goes into our jobs.

Nobody understands, like, how much we are physically exerting ourselves during this, during this busy season a lot of the time traditionally, and so let's just take that into consideration first. Like, just remember that those people, like your friends, your f-... Whoever, asking you for the haircut, like, during your crazy time, they don't understand. Okay?

They don't understand. I'm not saying that it's necessarily an excuse for them to, like, not be taking your health and happiness into consideration, but I am also gonna tell you, like, you know, before we get super resentful and we're like, "Fuck my aunt for asking me for this free haircut," like, let's just remember she might not understand, you know? And here's the thing, you can't expect anybody to respect you and your boundaries unless you have communicated your boundaries, right? Unless you have communicated with the person and you've told them how to respect you.

We can't expect anybody to respect us unlo- unless we've exemplified and taught them how to respect us. So, let's start to take into consideration, like, if you're feeling, like, a little resentful and, like, a little pissed off and, like, annoyed, right? Let's look at us. Let's, like, flip the mirror around or whatever, look ourselves in the mirror, and think about, like, what have we done to mitigate the situation.

And sometimes mitigating the situation and, and approaching it head-on can be really scary and really difficult to navigate, and sometimes that fear is not gonna go away. And sometimes, you know, you just have to go into it as prepared as possible and still be scared and get it done, because if you don't, you're just gonna continuously be resentful, you're just gonna be continuously pissed off, and people are just not gonna be respecting your time. And this goes for every part of your freaking life, not just during the busy season and holidays when your family is asking you for free haircuts, right? I'll stop there.

I'll give you verbage in just a second. I wanna give Kaitlyn a moment to chime in if she would like to. Um, yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm, like, living...

I'm, like, have all these memories, like, flooding in of, like, family asking for free hair and stuff like that. So, like, I definitely have my own verbage that I will chime in with later as well. Um, I don't have anything at this exact moment, but I do definitely have verbage that I can offer as well. Oh, my God, I'm so excited to hear that.

I think that'll be super helpful. So, this is the tea, okay? If your family or your friends are actually, like, healthy family or friends, right? Like, people who like you actually, like...

Who they actually, like, love and respect your time, they'll understand when you share this with them, okay? If you share it in a way where it's a healthy, um, non-accusatory communication situation, okay? We never wanna say, like, "You, you, you, you, you, when you, like, you asked me this and it's unfair." Like, yada, yada, yada.

Like, this is... Same goes with your clients, the same goes for communication across the board for anything, okay? Ask any fucking therapist, ask any psychologist. Don't start to, like, accuse, okay?

Don't make it about them. Make it about you, all right? In the way, in a way where you're just letting them know that you are trying to take better care of yourselves, yourself during this time and, and trying to be better about not overworking yourself and holding strong boundaries around only working at home because you have found that you are not feeling as great whenever you do overextend yourself. You're not be able to show up for your family or even that person as well when you or- are overextending yourself.

And therefore, I really appreciate if you don't mind giving me a little bit of grace. Although I love taking care of you and I absolutely want to at the right time and the right place, I'd really appreciate you understanding and, and supporting me in my journey of s- trying to implement more boundaries and space for myself. I think that's truly, like, the best way about... And do you hear, do you hear how, like, I said everything was about me, right?

Which I normally don't recommend when you're talking to clients because your clients don't give a shit, but when it ta-... When you're talking about your family and your friends, they should give a fuck about how you're feeling and what you're trying to do and what your mission is for yourself, and they should want that for you. They should want for you to be st- starting to respect yourself more, and they should want to be a part of that journey. And if they're not, then that's not, that's not your problem, girl, because you gotta take care of yourself at the end of the day, and you know...

You can't take care of them or anybody unless you've taken care of yourself first. So, if they have an issue with that, if they take it the wrong way, you have done everything that you can possibly do, and sometimes you've just gotta bite the bullet and work through the uncomfortability, and then hopefully shit doesn't go crazy, right? But if you want to stop this cycle, then sometimes you're just gonna... just gonna have to...

have to risk the chance of somebody being pissed off. But what you can do, like I said, is be as prepared as possible with making sure that you are talking about how this is... why this is important to you and, and appreciating their support in helping you. When you can make somebody feel like they're a part of something, when they're...

when you make somebody feel like they're doing a good thing, that can really, really increase your chances of having a positive reaction to, um, to the boundary that you're setting, right? So, that's my best advice, advice for this situation, period. Keep it nice and simple and short with that. What about you, Kaitlin?

Uh, do you differ from, from what I shared? Do you have anything, uh... Wha- I wanna hear what your verbiage is. So, I actually keep it a lot shorter than that even.

It... I mean, this has been a long time that I've had to, like, explain to family specifically about stuff like this. But when it comes to, uh, friends or, like, new friends specifically, and they ask for, like, a little, like, side hair, hair project or whatever, I just, like, very plainly, in like the most kind way possible, say, "It's just, like, my personal rule, policy, boundary," whatever you wanna call it, "that I just don't do hair outside of the salon." And it can be a number of things.

Like, you can leave it at that, for starters. Like, you don't owe them anything else other than that. It's just your personal rule. But if they start asking you, like, questions, you can say, "Well, I prefer to have, like, my chair," 'cause I prefer to ha- ...

I really do prefer to have my chair. Like, there is nothing like doing hair in your chair versus one at home. And, I mean, there's... uh, we all know, like, there's all these different factors that make it super shitty to do hair outside of the salon.

But, like, that's a big one. The fact that, like, you just wanna relax on your holiday. Like, it, it's... it's totally acceptable to wanna relax on your holiday and not do hair.

Uh, myself specifically, um, every single time, it never fails, that I see my grandma, she always asks me if I brought my scissors. Doesn't matter which holiday it is or if it's a holiday at all. Just, "Did you bring your scissors?" Like, "No, Grandma, I did not fly with my shears specifically to come cut your hair one time every three years."

So, it's... it's just about, like, explaining it in a very kind way, I think, is really important. I'm not mad about the clear and kind approach. Like, I'm not mad about, like, setting the boundary and just being like, "This is my personal rule for myself," either, you know?

I think it's just gonna depend on who you're talking to. And that's why I wanna have an entire episode about this 'cause I think we can dive into this really deeply in different corners, in different ways, you know? Do you have a... y- do you wanna add...

you wanna throw in? Yeah, so I, I just remembered there was one thing that I was gonna say too. This is a little bit more passive-aggressive, so take it with a grain of salt. But something that I find when it is those family members that consistently, like, nag you about doing their hair is come back at them and ask them to do a service that they provide.

So, "Oh, you're an electrician? Will you come wire my house really quick then?" And then all of a sudden it, like, makes a lot more sense. Like, oh, I'm asking them to do something for free that they don't really wanna do outside of work.

It... for sometimes it takes that, like, really, like, out there explanation to really make it click with family members. Well, yeah, because like I said, like, they're not gonna... they don't understand.

You know, like, you have to... you have to understand that they don't understand. And, like, we can only take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions, and, like, that's the... those are the actions that you control.

Like, those are the only actions and thoughts and things that you control, right? So, if you... like, and this goes for a lot of the things in your business. Like, if you are upset about the behavior that other people are treating you with, right?

Then, like, what have you done to mitigate that behavior? What have you done to turn that around? What have you done to make sure that people know how to respect you and your time, right? It's all about the perspective, I feel like, and making sure that you are...

I, I think it's really important to approach it in a way where you don't make somebody feel, especially a family or friend, make them feel offended. 'Cause it's really easy for that to happen and for somebody to get a little bit upset. And so... So there's a bunch of different ways about going about this and I...

hopefully either I or Kaitlin's, uh, way of going about it is helpful for you, my friend, listening to this. Now, there's two other things that I wanna talk about here before we close out the episode. The, the next thing that I wanna talk about is just beating a dead horse here if you've listened to me for a while, okay? Like, there should be foundations and fundamentals, solutions, systems, all the things in your business that support you in your boundaries during every single day, every single month, every single week, every single year in your business, okay?

When you have systems, when you have solutions that have your back, you don't have to worry about all of these emotional, crazy decisions that you have to make around what's going on in your business during any time of the year. So, online booking, having a wait list, you know, making sure that you're redirecting people to those things, making sure they have self-sufficient spaces where they can find those things very easily without reaching out to you, making sure that your online booking interface is really nice and user-friendly, people can manage their appointments on their own, making sure that your, um, your online booking is really, really easy. All of those things that I teach all about in my programs and how to actually do it without your clients getting pissed off or, like, making sure that they're really set up with what they need, et cetera, et cetera. All of those things can really help you, especially an existing client waitlist strategy that actually works and actually gives you real control and is really nice and efficient.

So, make sure that you have systematized and set yourself up with systems that hold you accountable and support you in your boundaries as much as possible so that way you can be s- prepared for this time and all times and all of your business so that way we don't have to make these emotional decisions all the time. Even with your family and your friends, sometimes these can really, really help you. Vacation after the holidaysGirl, block that shit off, okay? Block that shit.

Take 10 days after your shit is over, don't die, don't, like, run out of food money, you know, like, you know, if you need to work, you need to work, but take off, I highly encourage you to take off some time after this crazy time is over, time for yourself. I mean, how often do we, during our holidays, we're, like, traveling, so, like, I literally, I'm not even kidding, I have, like, six different Christmases, like, because of my parents being divorced and my family being a little bit larger, yeah, i- i- it's just, it's insane and I'm traveling all over the place and I never, ever, ever have time for myself during the holidays to just, like, relax. And so even after the holidays, which is great for us hairstylists, having off is, like, so nice. Like, after New Years, like, take off and really just, like, take some time.

I've done this, I've done this since I opened up my suite in, for, for the past two years and it has been absolutely helpful and really, really restful and rejuve- rejuvenating for me, making me feel like I, I got my fair share of, like, a nice holiday time too. I mean, the holidays can become so chaotic and so stressful, it, like, defeats the purpose, so you deserve to soak up all of the holly jolly or whatever, you know? You deserve to soak up some of that time off and, and that rest as well too, and if that takes you taking some time off, then I think that you highly deserve it, my friends. So highly recommend that you block some time off af- after the holidays are over.

Kaitlin, do you have anything to share before we wrap this puppy up? No, I completely agree, like, I, taking time off after the holidays is extremely important, even if it's just, like, a couple of days just to, like, give yourself some extra energy where you're not working, I think that it's extremely beneficial, so. I completely agree and I'm glad that you're in agreeance. I'm drinking a Red Bull right now and I just saw that they have niacinamide in Red Bulls.

Niacinamide is, like, good for your skin, it's, like, a skincare ingredient, so I'm like, "Shit, this R- I'm about to drink more Red Bulls." It literally sounds like a carcinogen, so I was like, "Oh, no, niacinamide, not that." Listen, the reason why I bring this up is because it's a great excuse to drink all the Red Bulls so that way I can bring you all the energy for future episodes of the Modern Hairstylers podcast, so if you enjoy this podcast, if you enjoyed this episode, whatever it may be, I'd highly, highly, highly appreciate if you left a five-star review on this podcast platform, wherever you're listening to it. It'll help us reach more beauty professionals just like you.

We are wanting to create a revolution. We're trying to break old habits and old toxic hustle culture within this industry and we need your help to do it, so thank you so much for leaving that review in advance and I thank Kaitlin, thank you so much for being here, I appreciate you and we will catch you in the next episode of the Modern Hairstylers podcast. Peace out, girl scout. Bye-bye.

End of transcript. © 2022 Hunter Donia LLC.