How to Deal with a “Toxic” Work Environment or Unwanted Behavior from an Employee / Co-Worker

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to The Modern Hair Stylist Podcast. Okay, so in last week's episode, you and I and Robert from the Hairdresser Strong Show and Katie Schoenrock, we explored a little bit of boundary setting, particularly for suite stylists versus salon stylists. Now, this is going to be another part of the conversation that we actually had, although a completely different topic, because during our Instagram Live conversation, we had somebody comment and ask, "How do you handle a toxic work environment or coworkers?"

And it really brought me to come up with some great points and conversations within this one that I'll be sharing with you today. Um, the grand finale, my mic drop moment is very much at the end of this episode, so although this is a short one for you today, I highly recommend that you listen to this all the way through. This one is amazing for you if you are in a team environment right now, whether you are booth rental or an employee, and if you are a salon owner with employees or if you ever wanna be one one day possibly, or if you ever even wanna hire anybody at all. This episode is really, really good for you.

So, if you're ready to hear me drop a bomb, drop the mic, and pop the F off like I normally do, honey, then let's get into it. Let's go. Here it is. Can y'all touch on toxic coworker and environments, how to deal, et cetera?

Um, for me, it depends on what toxic means and what the behavior is. Um, uh, it goes back to how, like, you can't control anybody else around you, you can only control yourself and the actions that you take. I always say in circumstances like this, it's best to try to have the, uh, uh, mutual conversation, one that is mature and approached from a angle of, "I want everybody, all of us, collaboratively, to be happy, and this is what I'm seeing, and it's making all of us n- n- it's negatively packi- impacting all of us, so what are our solutions or suggestions for solutions to make things better moving forward?" And whether that be with just you and your owner, whether that be with your, the entire team that you're working with, I think that approaching it with a, with radical candor and an open and honest communication is the best way to go about it, and always with the perspective of, "This is for the betterment of everybody here, including me and you," versus, "I'm having this issue, and I'm, and when you do this, it's making me do this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

Um, so that's my number one, my number one way to go about it, and then, you know, this is a difficult thing to say to people because I, I, I know that y- people don't always live in areas where they have a lot of options or this might not be feasible for them, but it's like, you gotta take responsibility for the space that you're choosing to be in every day. And you can either, like, if you don't have options, then you're gonna have to learn how to adapt. If you have... And make sure that you've taken accountability for your own experience and you've tried, at least, to create a better environment for yourself with the, what I just shared, with having conversations, expressing your concerns, right?

But at the end of the day, like, if this is not working for you and you've tried everything already and you've given it your best shot, even if that means, like, figuring out how you can exist in this space peacefully, and that's still not working for you, then it's time to dip. You know? What about you, Katie? 100%.

100%. 'Cause, you know, resentments build up, and if you don't discuss things, um, y- you're gonna get to a point where one of ease is gonna blow up. Yeah. And that's no good for anybody.

No good for the salon, the staff, no good for the customers. You know, can you imagine a client going into a salon and seeing stylists arguing? I wouldn't wanna be there. That's uncomfortable.

Yep. That's so awkward. So, uh, i- in the matter of, you know, the best for the environment, you'd have to, to talk that out, and if it's getting to a point where resentments are just building up, you need to, at that point, reevaluate your business and start looking elsewhere. Uh, there's enough salons around and there's some amazing owners out there.

Um, hopefully now with non-competes not really being an issue, um, you can find somewhere that's going to be, you know, good for your business and good for your mental health, because, you know, if those aren't working together, your mental health and, uh, your business plan, then you're kinda just setting, uh, yourself up for failure. So, make sure that you're surrounded with people who support you, support your business, and want you to succeed. Yeah. This is all so good.

I'm thinking of a time when... You know, first of all, that's a good point, Hunter, about what is toxic even, what does toxic even mean? Right. Um, you know, so, like, if toxic is somebody who is combi- choosing to ignore, uh, certain types of ed- salon etiquette and, um, so say someone, I don't know, never puts their bowls away.

Right. Or, uh, never puts their towels away, or never, like, sweeps up or blows the hair off the station, uh, whatever, like, stuff like that. Like, that, to me, is toxic 'cause it's like one person deciding that everybody else can clean up after them. And, uh, so I would say to that person, "Hey, when you leave your s- when you leave your stuff behind, uh, it impacts the entire customer experience.

So, the next customer that's walking back through the, through the salon looks at us like a bunch of junkie hairdressers in an unclean environment when this is supposed to be clinically clean." Like, like, this is, like, that, that's, we need to make sure that we're cl- we're picking all this stuff up, and is there something that you need for me to do to help you- Yes. remember to blow off your station? Right.

Or whatever. And that tends to work. I have had to just straight up, like, pull someone aside and be like, "Do you..." And kind of front them.

Yeah. Like, and make it personal. Like, "You are, you are affecting my customers' experience. You know, you're standing here on, like, whatever you're doing on your phone or chit-chatting or laughing behind me, but you're hiding, you're not in your line sight of your own customer," you know, whatever, and-And that, so why...

So, you're gonna run and h- you're gonna, like, make sure your customer can't see, but my customer, my customer and I are standing there staring at you while you're behaving unprofessionally. And so now my customer is having an unprofessional experience because you chose to do this right here. Right. Um, it's, it- it- it- it's like, it's like an unfortunate thing, but I think that, think that my experience is most of the time, if you're working in a team, there's gonna come a time where you're gonna have to stand up for yourself, and the boss won't always be there to do it.

Sometimes the boss might be like, "This, you know, you sound like a snitch. You're, you're," whatever. I mean, there's a lot of bad, and to me, that's toxic. Yeah.

So like, um, sometimes we do have to take matters into our own hands, but I agree. I agree starting with, uh, starting with talking about how this affects everybody. Yeah. Uh, asking like, you know, not making it personal.

Asking the person, I like to ask the person, like, if there's something, you know, if there, i- is there, is there, is there like, do you wanna... I even like do this thing where, uh, it usually works. It doesn't work all the time. But I'll be like, um, "You know, can I have a, do you have time to like maybe stay after work and discuss some new protocols?

Because I, I, we keep coming up with these problems, uh-" Yes. "... where people are doing these things, and, and I'm just trying to figure out, you know, can we come up with like maybe a new set of rules? And maybe we could present them at the next meeting and see what everyone thinks about them?"

So anyway, that's, uh, that's- that's how I deal with it, and you're right. And at the end of the... Oh, the other way, sorry. I know I'm talking more than I usually do on these type of things.

But, uh, the other thing is, um, I've seen people, uh, uh... I had a conversation recently, and someone said, uh, "I didn't wanna hang out and be friends with my coworkers. I only talked to my coworkers about hair. I didn't have personal conversations with my coworkers.

When I was in the break room, I was like learning, teaching myself stuff." Um, uh, whatever, you know, doing things that progressed their career and kept everything super professional. Th- they did not build personal, intimate relationships with their coworkers. Mm-hmm.

So, they would have never said, "This is my family. This is my team." Right. And I think that that is something that we all should consider, because I've never liked the word family.

Yeah. Because I can't fire my family. I can't quit on my family. Yes.

I would have to... I'll live with that my whole life. But if I quit on my coworker, in a few years I'm gonna forget about it. 100%.

You know? So. I think that when it comes to something like that, right, where you have, for that specific example, you have somebody who is like, "I just want to pu- keep my head down. I wanna come here, and I wanna work, and I wanna produce revenue, and make my money and go, and I'm not here to like make absolute friends with these people."

Maybe this person is willing to have like a cordial relationship and like have, you know, like joke around with these people throughout the day, but not get super deep with them or like hang out with them outside of work, whatever it may be, right? Then, then, what you should evaluate as a salon owner who has employees is what I, what is our core values and our culture in this company? And how do we want to have relationships with the, with each other, right? And the way that you hire, and the way that you train, and the way that you roll out that culture will dictate the type of people who are in your space and the values that you guys are aligned with.

And that will naturally create, hopefully, behavior that is shared between everybody. And a salon could have a culture. I worked in all the above. I worked in like three different team salons that all have completely different cultures when it comes to the relationships we have with each other.

I've been in the salons where we were a complete family. We were crying to each other, we were hanging out with each other, we were going out with each other, et cetera, et cetera, and was super close. I've been in salons where it was kind of in the middle, and, uh, right now, I'm in a salon where I feel like it's very cordial and professional. And I think that it's a testament to like pe- there are totally, completely different types of people, and there's gonna be a different space for everybody.

And if something is going to... As long as all the core values and the culture is aligned between everybody, then normally, somebody will behave in the way that you would like them to behave as the owner if you have that type of strong culture and it's constantly reinforced. And that goes back to the conversation about behavior when it comes to if somebody is being messy or, or, um, or acting unprofessionally. I- if you hire somebody, and you are of the, of the understanding or belief that this person is somebody who is aligned with your core values and wants to create the same environment that you want to have in that salon, what is professional, cleanly, et cetera, et cetera, then you can assume that this person wants that as well, right?

So, having that con- so that makes having conversations much more productive, because they're thinking is the same as you're thinking, right? So, that's why, you know, we talk about core values as like this bullshit, like cute little thing that everybody talks about in the business world, and we just kind, we have them and we put them on a board. But really living and breathing your core values, and making sure that the people who are in your company align with those as well, makes it so when you have to address issues, you guys can address them productively. And you can assume the best in somebody, because that person probably wants to have a solution as well, but they may not be aware that their behavior is not in alignment with what they actually want to present, right?

Like, for me, for example, I have ADHD, and I, it's, uh, something I very, very much struggle with on a day-to-day basis. So therefore, I am thinking about the next thing before the first thing is done. So, sometimes I'm gonna leave a dirty bowl behind. Sometimes I'm not gonna clean up my entire tray 'cause I literally just cannot think straight.

But that does not mean that I don't want to fix that. That does not mean that I, that I want to be doing that, right? So, if somebody were to come up to me and say, "Hey Hunter, I saw that you left this bowl over here. I know that's not your, not- not what you want.

How can we collaboratively figure out a solution so that this is not a problem anymore and that you can stay on top of this moving forward?" Then I would be totally down to engage in that conversation, take accountability for it, and come to a solution. But I'm somebody who has that core value. I have a core value of I want a professional space too.

I don't want to be dirty and uncleanly as well. So then therefore, we're able to have a productive conversation. So, you need to be making sure that you have strong core values, and a culture, and hiring people who are gonna be in alignment with you to be able to come to a solution at all in the first place. So you, uh, that is so good.

That was so good, so good. Thank you for do- thank you for following up what I said with that, because you're so right. Like, there are different strokes for different folks. Everyone's gonna find a different vibe.

Um, and, uh, so at the end of the day, it's like we gotta make sure we're like doing our homework, make sure we know where we're getting into when we're going into work. And, um, you know, understand that not e- even if a place seems like it's a fit, doesn't mean it's gonna be a fit forever. Absolutely. And, um, so like, you know, we gotta constantly stay on top of that.

And that might mean moving, moving around. And hopefully, you know, the next move that you make, you learn something of what you like and what you want and what to look for. And, uh, eventually, you will find, uh, where you wanna be in this industry. Yes.

Yeah.

End of transcript. © 2024 Hunter Donia LLC.