How To Deal With Unmotivated Co-Workers

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to the Modern Hairstylist podcast. We are... Okay, I'm scared to do this topic, because I feel like I struggle with this hard and I...

There was no, there was no fixing it. Like, there was no fixing it. Like, I'm not gonna give you this magical answer today. I don't think there's a magical answer to this.

I'm going... I'm not even sure if there's a magical answer to anything that happens in your business or in your life. But what we can do, me and Kaelyn, what we can do here today is give you our own personal accounts, make sure that you know that you're not alone, give you some tips and tricks for how to navigate the situation. But at the end of the day, we just gotta stay strong and do what's best for us and keep it moving, keep it pushing.

So, if you're ready to talk about how to deal with other stylists or the salon that you're in that doesn't give a shit about growth the same way that you do, let's talk about it. Let's go. Let me guess. You are a hustling, bustling hairstylist behind the chair, working so hard to build a beautiful career for yourself, one that gives you time, freedom, and energy to spend with yourself, your family, and your friends.

But you feel like you're always working in your business, even when you're not behind the chair. My name is Hunter Donia, and I help you automate your systems and implement really beautiful strategies so you can grow your business without the overwhelm. And this is the Modern Hairstylist podcast. Okay, so Kaelyn, what's up?

Who are you? How are you? Hello. Uh, my name is Kaelyn.

I work for Hunter. I'm also a hairstylist. I live in England. My main thing is I am here to help Hunter stay on track, keep giving some outlines, and give my unasked-for opinion wherever I see fit.

It is asked for. It literally is asked for. Asked for? Stop saying that.

I feel like I add my opinion where it's like, you've already gotten the point across, but I'm like, "Yeah, no, I need to say something about this too." Kaelyn, we absolutely love you being here. Thank you so much for being here and keeping me on track. I really appreciate it, and we love everything that you have to share.

So, Kaelyn, have you been in a salon or been around other stylists that didn't s- they... that weren't as self-motivated as you? Yes, I most definitely have. Spill the tea.

I... Ooh, I'm so glad I live in England now. So, the most recent commission salon that I worked at before I went as a s- into being a solo stylist, it... Honestly, it was a really toxic place, so I have kind of, like, the worst-case scenario experience.

But I worked at a... several salons prior to that that were like best-case scenario. So, I can give you both sides of the coin. But I went on, like, a huge personal journey as a stylist, uh, during the COVID shutdowns.

I was like, "I'm gonna take this time and I'm going to, like, come back to the salon, and I'm gonna be so kick-ass." And I was motivated, I was inspired, I was, like, doing all the fucking things. I was, like, showing up on Instagram. I created, like, all these different, like, pages for myself.

And I would get to work and my co-workers, my boss, like, they would all just... like, they wouldn't understand it. And I've even had, had co-workers say, like, "I don't know why you do that," like, in the most condescending way. So, it really sucks to be the motivated stylist when the other ones around you aren't.

And I'm not saying that being a stylist that is okay with just going to work, doing the work, and going home. That's totally okay. Right. But as the person that is extremely inspired and motivated and wants to, like, elevate the shit out of their guest experience and all of these things, it can really, like, suck the energy out of you at a very fast pace.

It absolutely can. It can feel so isolating and it can feel like... I feel like it can, like, flip the mirror around on you and, like, turn you into, like, "Why the fuck am I doing this? Why am I trying so hard?"

Like, it starts to... it starts to make you question yourself. Like, you start questioning everybody else around you because you're like, "Why the fuck aren't they doing, like, all this cool shit that I'm so passionate about?" But then you look at yourself and you're like, "Why am I doing all this stuff?

Why am I passionate about this?" Because everybody else around you isn't. And I love... I thank you so much for bringing this up, because it's a really good start to the conversation.

What I think that we don't understand or remember is that the majority of people aren't like us. The majority of the industry is not like us. Like, you listening to this, the communities that we're in, like, we are n-... like, the majority of the people just wanna show up to work, do hair, and go home.

And like you said, that's fine. I think that the, the, the deal that we've been dealt in life, I don't judge anybody for their career choices, like, at all, you know. We live in capitalism. It is what it is.

However, I think the difference between them and us is that we just see so much more for ourselves, and we understand that it's possible, and we're willing to put in the work to make shit happen for ourselves. And a lot of the... a, a lot of us are just very naturally passionate and excited to do these things, which is such a blessing. I, I remember being in my own salon situation, which I can't...

I have to walk the line of a little bit, because I have really great relationships with my, my, my past salon owners. But I will be honest and I'll share my experiences because I know that they understand the experiences already. I remember feeling so blessed at the same time. Although I was isolated and I...

and nobody else around me was, like, making me feel good about it, I remember still feeling so blessed that I was self-motivated. Like, that I had that, like, gift within me, that, like, burning fire within me that pushed me further than everybody else around me. Like, j-... Please don't forget that it's a gift, like, and please don't forget that the majority of people don't have that gift that you have, because that is really important to remember when it's really easy to get down on yourself because everybody else isn't doing it, right?

Like, oftentimes, the people who are doing things so differently than everybody else around them are the most successful, most happy, most joyful. So, please, please, please, please, please understand you're not alone and we've, we've all been there, us motivated badass hairstylists. And don't let it get you down, because you have a gift. You are so blessed that you have that, because other people don't have that.

And I feel bad for the people who don't have that, quite honestlyThank you for sharing your experience, Katelyn, and I'm sorry that you had to experience it. So, how did you, how did you get out of it? How, how did you get out of it? Um, well, ultimately, it is what led to me going independent.

But in a lot of cases, you kind of just need to put your blinders on as much as you can. I know it is difficult, but, like, try to filter out that negativity, and just, like, remind yourself that they just don't understand where you are at with your mindset, and, like, what your vision is. And if you feel like you wanna explain that vision to them, feel free, but they still likely won't understand it fully. But I think the biggest thing that I know now that I wish I would've known then that could've helped me, is the importance of having community that does have the same vision.

Like, there are so many hairstylists that I consider my very good friends that I have never even met in person. Like, I solely have these communities online. Hunters' Communities are a big part of that. But, like, it's- it's so just- it- it's the most incredible thing to have people that are in the same- on the same wavelength as you, that get it and that you can resonate with, and get your, like- get your inspiration from them, and that might make it a little bit easier to understand or rather, um, tolerate the negativity in your salon.

Yeah. I completely agree. Thank you for sharing that. I think community's really, really important.

I will amplify that with my own journey, and I'll talk about, like, my situation. So, I- I grew up in a commission salon. I started at a commission salon when I was 16 years old. And so, especially when you're in team environments, obviously, but especially when it's, like, W2 team environments, I feel like it's even w- it's even more intense, because there's not as much self-motivation around you, right?

Like, when everybody is just an employee... Not just an employee, I shouldn't say that. But when everybody is an employee, showing up to work, doing the hair, and going home, that's a lot of the time the cases in those situations, it is much- it's much more intense and more prev- prevalent most of the time. So, my salon was a large-ass salon, like a huge salon.

And I think what got us all into this industry was the creativity, and the technique, and making other people feel beautiful. So, we get into it, we're really focused on the technique side of things, and- and we want to grow creatively and artistically, and that's really beautiful, and it's actually really important, and I don't think we should necessarily lose sight of that. But I remember, like, w- it- like, being in the salon at that time as a kid, as an assistant and a- as a- as an apprentice, I was always being pushed and challenged creatively and artistically, and that was super helpful and important. But once I got to the point where I was like, "Okay, it's time for me to make money," I was like, "There- there has been nothing given to me that, like, is going to help me make money."

And all these other stylists, they've just built their businesses by waiting around for years, and years, and years, and, like, having this built-up-ish clientele that has just come with time, or come with their- their mentor, uh, stopped doing hair so then th- they got all their clients, right? All those things, right? It was just, like, this natural, like, flow of a career path for them, and they never really had to, like, care too much because th- this was just, like, the way that- that, uh, that things worked for them. I remember super specifically being in the basement with all the other girls, and I was, like, 18, so I was just, like, so naive, and I just asked them all these stupid questions all the time.

I was like, "Is it possible to, like, make a good living and, like, be sustainable, like, without being married to somebody else who has an income as well?" Like, I literally remember asking the girls around me that, which was probably a disrespectful question at the time. But it was a genuine question, 'cause I w- looked at all the- all the girls around me and I was like, "I know what their average salaries are for the most part. Like, I can take a guess, and I know that they all have husbands who all support them as well.

That's how they have a house, that's how they have- they afford having children, right? So, like, what does that mean for me as, like, this gay man who, like..." At the time I was like, "Oh my God, I'm never gonna find love 'cause I'm gay." Like, I was telling myself these stupid questions, or these stupid stories.

And so, uh, for me, like, as a solo person, I was like, "What is the tea here?" Like, I- it just didn't click for me. And then I eventually became a brand educator, and the brand- the brand that I got into was very business-oriented and showed me the way, like showed me like, "Oh my God, things could be so much better for you if you focus on sales and marketing," right? And then I was like, "Oh shit.

I can surpass everybody around me." And then all of a sudden, I got super passionate about selling retail, raising my average ticket, um, growing my clientele, giving a really excellent client experience, and all the girls around me were like, "What the fuck?" They're like, "What is happening here?" And they were got so resentful of the fact that I was, like, the newer kid who was doing these badass things, and that- Because, uh, remember, I grew up there.

I was 16 years old. So, they taught me, they grew me, they gave me, like, some of their clientele as they changed and grew, right? And then now all of a sudden, I'm doing better retail sales than them, I'm doing a better average ticket than them, I'm being praised by leadership more than they are because I was putting in the effort and the work and I had the knowledge and the tools. So, I felt super ostracized.

Like, very, very, very ostracized at a certain point, and I wanted everybody around me so bad to see the light and see what they could be doing for themselves. I remember just feeling so hopeless about it, and like, I remember having my leader- my leaders' appreciation and same wish. Like, when you see... When you're finally able to, like, see the light of like, oh shit, you're able to, like, make a badass career out of this, you just have to, th- put in the work and have the knowledge, you understand, like, a lot more than you used to.

Like, when, like, my leader used to be like, "Okay, sell more retail, do more of the treatments," like, I used to just think like, "Oh, they just want me to make more money for them," when in reality it's like, everybody can win at the end of the day. The salon owner can win and I can win too, and business is important. And I- and when I finally realized that, I was like, "Oh my God, these bitches around me, including myself...... Have been such brats and so ignorant to everything that's possible.

And it was really, really, really difficult for me to be around those other people all the time and be around that negative mindset all the time. And I remember leaving work every day after getting, starting to, like, really get motivated and passionate about what I was doing, every day, and feel so anxious and slightly depressed because of how alone I felt in my own mission. It was kind of insane. Like, now that I think about, like, looking back at it, it's kinda crazy how much it affected me.

And so, if you're listening to this and you can relate at all, whether you're, like, good now or you're not good now, just know that you weren't alone and you're not alone. Because there's so many other people I have conversations with every single day who are still in a commission salon, who want better for themselves, who are in, in independent spaces and they, and they have the people around them who just don't give a fuck and who are looking at them with a weird side-eye. But guess what? They're making more money and they're z- they're feeding themselves and them family, their family way better than the other people around them are.

And that person, you, my friend, who ha- has this burning fire inside of you, like I said, you have a gift and you have to keep it pushing and keep it moving because how dare you hold yourself back from that success because the other bitches around you don't have the same gift that you have? How dare you hold yourself back from serving your community better and making a big impact on the people around you because of the imposter syndrome that's instilled on you because of everybody else around you, because of the negative connotations, and all the things. Please don't let yourself get in the way of your own success. Please, please, please, please don't let that happen.

The way that I dealt with it was a whole lot of fucking dealing with it. A whole lot of just, you know, feeling the emotions every day and just keeping it moving, you know. Like, it just was what it was. And the good thing that I had was I did have my leadership's support and they knew how I felt.

And so, thank God that I had that because I know there's a lot of situations where even the leaders and salon owners don't have that same vision or passion or education, right? And so, what I would suggest to you is definitely trying to make a, make an alliance with your salon owner or leadership who understands the same things as you, and also stay close to the other people around you who do have the same motivation that you have, because they will be integral and super important for you to, um, stay consistent in, in, in living out this passion and this motivation that you have. And your leader, you know, sitting down with you, congratulating you for your success, that's the other thing I didn't feel validated or recognized for all the badass things I was doing. Having your leader sit down with you and congratulating you is so fucking important.

And if you haven't had that conversation with them yet, please do so. Let them know how you're feeling. If you have other, if everybody else around you is getting you down, make sure your leader knows about it, because then it's up to the leader to fucking do something about it. If you're a leader listening to this, if you have motivated, passionate, badass stylists in your space and the other people around them are making them feel like shit, guess what's gonna happen?

You're, they're gonna end up like me and Caitlin were in a dip because we have our own beautiful visions that we're not able to fully carry out right now because everybody else around us is making us feel like shit. But unfortunately, I hear a lot of the time, like, these people who are in these team salons or in these spaces where they're not feeling supported and feel like they are ostracized and they feel like there's no other options because they don't have suites in their area, there's no other salons that are, uh, that are more motivated, et cetera, et cetera. And what I would tell you is please just try to make the most out of your situation because the- like, there will be a day where there will be an option for you. I didn't have the suite option at the time.

There was no suites in Pennsylvania. That wasn't even a thing. We, we didn't even, I didn't even fucking know what that was. I was like, "What the fuck's that?"

Until it was a couple years later and there was more suites popping up all over the place and I was like, "Oh, this is an option." It will happen for you. It will happen for you. Just stay on track and, like Caitlin said, find a fucking community.

Oh my God, I'm going to San Diego tonight, actually, to spend some time with a mastermind that I'm a part of for, um, for educators basically, of all sorts, not just within the industry. And I'm so excited to be around other people who understand the same shit that nobody else understands. It is, there is something, like you said, something so special about that and so important about that. We're social creatures, we're human beings.

Whether you're introverted or extroverted, it's so important that you have people that you can relate to who are going through the same emotions as you. And that's why I'm so fucking passionate about curating and nurturing my own communities within these spaces, where other people will never understand us, you know, that same way. We have our Modern Stylist Movement Membership, which is an alumni only group for after you go through Previs Pathway, which is my course. And we're doing an in-person event in Philadelphia and it's gonna be, like, this most badass experience.

I'm so excited about it. We're completely sold out and it's gonna be so much fun. And I told them, like, "I refuse to have anybody else there because it, it can only be you guys because only we are gonna understand each other." Like, it is what it is.

And having those spaces where you can, where everybody around you understands you and is willing to support you because they understand your situation, it's a game changer. So, if you're feeling a little bit hopeless right now, your time will come. Trust and believe. But in the meantime, have the conversations, and sometimes the uncomfortable conversations, that you need to have with your leadership, with your salon owner, with whoever is your mentor, or who- whoever is supporting you.

And lead by example. Don't waste all of your time trying to bring a horse to water and getting them to drink it. I tried so hard in my salon, and it was not working. Like, it just made me feel even more like shit, it made me feel even more down on myself.

Lead by example, be the fucking badass that you are, and if somebody has s- shit to say about it, that's not your fucking problem, they don't pay your bills, right? And find a community that is gonna support you and understands you inside and out. And also, don't be afraid to consider dipping and moving somewhere else if there is options for you out there, because that is the opportunity that is screaming your name that you might be too scared to take the leap to go into, when in reality, it's exactly what you need right now, because you need to be around other people who understand you and are supporting you and rooting you on. It is what it is.

What are your thoughts, Caityln, before we roll this one out? So, I just want to give you permission to not sit in, like, like, a shit environment, like, I do believe that there is that period that you should give it a chance to, like, really try to, like, work through things and, like, see if things will kind of make a turnaround. But if they clearly are not, you can create your own environment. If there's not studios or suites or anything like that in your area, find, like, a storefront that is available for you right now.

Like, there are options out there for you. You can create your own space. It might be super fucking scary, but if it means you are going to be able to do the things that you know you can do for your business versus sitting in a energy-sucking environment, that might be what you need to do. Because I worked in a salon for five fucking years, and I felt stuck.

And you are not stuck, my friend. I love it. I love it. And if you...

And I will say, I... L- I already said my piece about this. Again, if you feel like there are literally no other options, and if you've already explored those options, right? Like, like, like, what Caityln said, it's like, if you haven't at least explored the other options and seen what else is around you, right?

Make sure you go fucking do it, because there are opportunities out there that could be better for you. If there literally isn't, like, because I- I hear this story all the time, if there literally isn't, there- y- the opportunity will come, and don't be afraid to fucking jump on it when it comes, period. Whatever program or community that I'm curating, whenever you're listening to this, we'd be happy to welcome you with open arms. If you want more information about that, you can shoot me a DM asking me for more information, you can check out the link in my bio on Instagram.

Show notes are all over the place in the description of this podcast, or, uh, this episode. Whatever it may be, I'm here to support you, all right? And if you've enjoyed this episode, if you have enjoyed this podcast, if you think that more stylists need to hear this message, then please go ahead and leave a five-star review wherever you're listening to this, leave a little blurb about your experience listening to the Modern Hairstylist podcast. It does help us make an impact, and you can help us make that impact by supporting the podcast.

Thank you so much for listening. See you in the next episode. Peace out, girl scout. Bye-bye.

End of transcript. © 2022 Hunter Donia LLC.