Keeping It Real About Burnout, Self Care & Our Expectations Around It

Hello, my friend. Welcome back to the Modern Hairstylist Podcast. Today, I'm gonna be talking about the B word, which is burnout. And I'm also gonna be talking about how we normally approach burnout, and our traditional classic approaches to it, and my take on it, if you care.

I guess you do care if you're tuning into the podcast. But I remember back, uh, during the pandemic, there was a lot of debate over how we should or should not be spending our time. And I remember personally confronting this idea and coming up with my own thoughts around it and kind of, like, coming up with my own concept and belief around what self-care actually looks like and the traditional self-care that we normally lean into and how it actually may end up making it so it does the opposite thing that we w- want it to. And I hope that this take or this concept is somewhat illuminating you- for you today.

And I hope that it possibly helps you get out of the funk that you're in right now, um, or at least gives you some perspective for how you spend your time and how you take care of yourself moving forward. So, if you're ready to get into it, let's go. What's the tea, friend? My name's Hunter Donia, industry business educator for hairstylists, but my friends just call me Hunty.

Whether it be growing your clientele, making more money, or automating and streamlining your systems, in the next 20 minutes or so, you'll be hearing realistic, actionable strategies to create a beautiful career for yourself behind the chair. So if you're ready to get into it, welcome to the Modern Hairstylist Podcast. Okay, the tea is I think we could all spend a shit ton of time talking about burnout, and we could talk a shit t- and we could talk a bunch about self-care and what that actually looks like and what the cure is and why it happens and all of these things, right? And the tea is I don't think there's one person on this planet who could give you a- a- a straight up clear answer that applies to every single human being.

We all have such individual experiences and different circumstances and different things that take our energy, that drain our motivation, or on the flip side, light us up, make us excited, feel creative. There's things that I know give me intense hyperfocus, dopamine reward releases in my brain for temporary amounts of time until I've used all of that up, and then suddenly, I don't have interested in it anymore. And it's really difficult for me to stay consistent with, you know, pouring my time and energy into it even if it's something that I know can really be beneficial for me and my business overall. So, I go through periods where, like, I'm obsessed with marketing, right?

Like, I love, like, coming up with a marketing plan 'cause it's fresh and new, and I have great ideas for it. But then, you know, for whatever reason, the next month, I'm freaking dreading doing it. And- and- and I think that we're all just freaking human, dude, and I don't think that we're all... We all, like, definitively will always have these things that we love and that we're good at and that we're motivated by consistently and fluidly for the rest of our lives.

We change. Our brains change. Our environments change. And I just think that if you're looking for a clear cure to anything in your life, in your business, including to burnout, including to not being motivated, think if you're looking for, like, a quick fix or, like, the answer, the magical golden ticket to anything, it's just not...

It just doesn't exist, dude. It just doesn't. And I'm sorry if that's not, like, the hopeful, amazing answer that you want. But I hope that it en- it does give you comfort in one way or another, that you're just human, and you're just going through the roller coaster of what it looks like to be a CEO because it's fucking hard.

And nobody told you that you were signing up for this roller coaster of emotions and f- sometimes feeling motivated, sometimes not feeling motivated, being really overwhelmed by your tasks. Nobody told you that that's what you were actually signing up for. And unfortunately, the- the reality is, is it's gonna be a constant roller coaster, and you're never going to have this perfect, beautiful, amazing, well-rounded thing that is just awesome, that makes you feel good 100% of the time. It's just not how life works.

But I do wanna share with you some things that may be helpful and some ideas that I have. So I remember, like I s- talked about at the top of the episode, I remember during the pandemic, talking about how we're spending our time. And I think that a lot of the times when we're burnt out, we're stressed out, we're overwhelmed, what we'll oftentimes do is we'll lean into a traditional form of self-care, such as getting a massage, getting our nails done, relaxing, watching Netflix, all that shit, right? All that stuff that doesn't really require a lot of effort on our end because we're so exhausted, we're so tired.

We don't really wanna do anything. We just wanna be pampered or relaxed, et cetera, et cetera, which is totally essential. You need rest. You need fuel to be able to do anything in your life, right?

So, I think that leaning into those traditional methods is absolutely e- s- it's- it's important. And the caveat to that, too, is, you know, I think that if you wanna find different ways, traditional ways that are low-effort, energy-regenerating tasks such as, you know, relaxation, things that... like a massage, things like that, y- you don't always have to pay for it too. I- I think that's, like, important to talk about.

People are like, "Oh, well, I can't afford a massage. I can't afford to get my nails done." It's like, okay, well, you can watch a free YouTube video that teaches you how to meditate and take a breath.Um, you can watch a free YouTube video for how to do DIY, I don't know, spa day at home with groceries, right?

If you really wanted to. You know, even self-massage, whatever. Like, you can get crafty, you can get thrifty, and you don't have to pay to have those short term experiences. And I also, I, I said meditation in there, and, and I, and I actually am gonna kind of take that back, because I think that meditation is actually something that does take effort.

Um, however, once you get into the flow of it, it is something that is so regenerative and so helpful. But anyways, you have that type of self-care. You have that short term self-care. And the reason why I'm calling it short term self-care is because you go ahead and you take the nap, you relax, you just turn your brain off, you watch a movie, you get a massage, whatever.

Cool. So then after you do that, you gain back all this energy, right? And we may still not feel, like, fully motivated to do anything, or we may even have less motivation than we had before that because now we're all relaxed, right? And so now you've regenerated your body.

You have, like, this newfound energy again because you've given yourself some rest, and then we don't put that energy into something else, right? I would really love the science behind this. Like, if there's a scientist or psychologist or something like that listening to this, I would love to hear what your thoughts are about this, 'cause I've never looked into the science of this. This is just from personal experience and theory, okay?

This has no basis besides just what I think. I'm just keeping it 100% with you, my friends, today. So you have all this energy and then you don't move it. You don't pour it into something that is gratifying, that makes you feel productive, that gives you a fulfilling sense of purpose and steps forward, right?

I think momentum in productivity is something that makes... that is really essential for our well-being and mental health in general, right? I know that if I have a really productive day, then I'm gonna feel really freaking good about it, right? And the chemicals that are released in my brain are ones that feel really good and I feel very fulfilled and happy with what I had, and it makes me wanna do more, right?

Because I've experienced the chemical reward of doing those productive tasks and I'm gonna naturally want more of those things. And so this is where I kind of split up the terms or the types of self-care. The ones that are low effort, the ones that are the massage or the chilling and turning your brain off, and then the type of self-care that is doing your damn laundry, folding the clothes, getting your social media batch, right? Finally writing the captions, finally writing the emails, finally doing the work in the course that you signed up for.

Doing the shit that you sometimes don't wanna freaking do, but you know if you did it, then it would feel really good if you got it done and it would make future you feel really great as well too. I think that especially with social media and just the expectation and just how exhausted our brains are from our current environment and the world that we live in, I think that we just have this fake, painted vision of our life is just be- supposed to be so perfect and we're supposed to be motivated all the time and everything is supposed to be easy and intuitive and be in flow, and it's just not the case. Like, we are primal animals, right? Like, we are literally an animal species in the world.

And if you go back to the beginning of our, of our whatever, of our consciousness, and you go back to our evolution and our primal instincts, I don't think that, you know, a caveman necessarily wanted to go put their life in danger and hunt down whatever animal that they had to kill for dinner that night, or I don't think any human wanted to necessarily have to fucking carry a shit ton of stuff all day every day on foot through the forest or the jungle or whatever to create shelter or something like that. I know this sounds ridiculous, but if you just think about our primal nature, right, I don't think that we as humans were ever meant to actually want to do any of this shit that is productive and actually really, really good for us. But at the end of the day, it's the stuff that makes us want to keep going. It's the stuff that makes us fulfilled and want to keep going and ha- and have happiness and fulfillment.

It's the stuff that makes us feel really good about our lives and, and it makes us wanna do more and it makes us wanna continue to stay motivated. I think that when we're in a space of burnout, it's oftentimes on the fair side because we're doing a fucking lot of shit and it's easy to feel defeated and it's easy to get overwhelmed. But on the flip side, I think that it's also because we oftentimes are looking at the hill in front of us and we are choosing to let the overwhelm of that hill, of climbing that hill, we're choosing to let it defeat us and to give up on it because it seems like too much or too hard, and we're not willing to get uncomfortable and do the damn thing anyway, because we should and we have to in order to continuously have a sense of fulfillment and motivation and passion and purpose moving forwardI think that we get into this cycle of feeling burnout, relaxing and turning our brain off, then taking that energy and then not actually putting it into something productive. And then we don't do something productive with that built up energy, and then that energy has nowhere to go and then you feel like shit even more.

Like, I know with my ADHD, right? And I've talked about this in previous episodes. I know with my ADHD, like, my ADHD spiral of depression in which when I am unmotivated and getting distracted really easily and avoiding the thing that I really don't wanna do that I know I have to do, the more and more and more that I put it off and that I don't do it, the more shitty I feel. And the more I don't wanna do it because of how shitty I feel, right?

So it's this cycle of, like, I know I should get my ass up and do these chores. However, I really don't fucking feel like doing that right now. So then you don't do it and then you, you hate yourself for not doing it, you hate yourself for not being motivated to do it, and then you don't wanna do it even more. And then it just keeps on getting worse and worse and worse, and you dig yourself into this deep hole and it's up to us to have tools, systems, and just something.

Some sort of self-encouragement and a big reason why, and some self-love too for just, like, getting our asses up and doing it anyway, you know? This is speaking from the personal experience of somebody who has struggled with ADHD, depression, anxiety my entire life, inc- including right now, and all the time, and probably forever. Somebody who understands this, you know? Like, I get it.

Like, it fucking sucks, and I think that sometimes we just have to do shit in life that we don't wanna do, especially if it's things that will set us up for more happiness in the future. But I don't think that we'll ever have a certain point in life in which everything is just perfect and everything feels easy and everything's good. It's just an unrealistic thing that I think that we want to have, and I think that social media and the world that we live in sets us up for the expectation of, you know? We look at all these other people and we think that their life is just perfect, and it's just not reality.

Like, everybody has their own story, their own shit that they're going through. Even though I'm very consistent on my social media, it does not mean that all the time I feel like doing it. Just 'cause I post thi- this podcast episode every single week, it does not mean that I... It's because everything feels easy and good and I just get up and I do it without huffing and puffing first.

But what does get me through, what does make me wanna get up and do the damn thing is my why behind it, and also knowing that on the other side of this, I'll be making a bigger impact in the world, in my communities that I love and care about, but also myself too. And later on, I will thank myself so much for putting in the damn work of doing that stuff, and sometimes that just has to be enough, dude. It just has to be enough, 'cause otherwise, I don't know, I'm just gonna sit here in bed and rot all day and I'm just gonna feel shittier about it, even more and more. So, I think it's okay to, you know...

Of course. And it's essential to have days where you're like, "Fuck it. I'm taking the day off, I'm taking care of myself, I'm not doing shit, I'm turning my brain off. I'm overwhelmed and I'm done."

But after you do that, it's important that you take the now energy that you have and you actually pour it into something that's gonna give your brain some reward chemicals that is actually productive self-care. Getting just one thing checked off your list, even if it's little steps, gaining some momentum to be able to ride on, to continue in that flow, to be able to then achieve some more motivation to continuously want that reward chemical and then move forward. But that's not even the foolproof plan. I'm not offering a foolproof plan.

This podcast episode is very much me just talking off the top of my head right now, and just me sharing my honest and real thoughts with you. And also recognizing, you know, that life is fucking hard and sometimes you just have a lot of shit that you have to do and it gets in the way and you just feel so defeated. Sometimes you're just gonna be in a funk, and sometimes you're not gonna be productive, and that's okay too, right? But I don't think that we should expect ourselves to feel good and e- for everything to be easy all the time, especially as business owners.

And I don't think that we should have this perfect vision that we should always try to be attaining all the time, where everything's gonna be perfect and everything's gonna feel easy and, and you're not gonna have to work anymore and, or do things that you hate anymore. Like, it's, you're always going to have something. There's always going to be something, and that's okay. It's just life.

So lean into it, breathe into it. Whatever the shit is that you have to do, make it fun. Do your best to make it as easy, attainable, hold yourself accountable to it as much as you possibly can. Two episodes of the Mod- Modern Hair Stylist podcast that are in relation to this conversation that I think could be helpful.

One is 10 Coping Mechanisms for ADHD Entrepreneurs. Even if you don't have ADHD, listen to it. And then how to get the work done when you don't feel like it or you're overwhelmed. That's an earlier episode, but I think they're, both of them are very relevant to today and the conversation that we have right now.

Hope that you don't mind my free, flowy thoughts today, and I hope that this wasn't too, too much of a downer episode. I hope that it was actually just real and sincere and hopefully gave you some sort of comfort or motivation for moving forward. Thanks for tuning into the Modern Hair Stylist podcast. So much love to you, my friend.

Peace out, girl scout. Bye-bye.

End of transcript. © 2023 Hunter Donia LLC.