Life with ADHD in the Beauty Industry

So my entire life, I've always struggled with how I judge myself, right? And what labels I attach to myself, and what I have called myself in the past or decided that I was based upon my behaviors, my habits, my capabilities, my results, based upon what, uh, societal pressure looked like and how I measured up to that, feeling like I did not meet expectations, feeling like I was just, you know, lesser than. And I would call myself lazy, unworthy, stupid, irresponsible, incapable, not good enough, or good as this person or that, right? And quite frankly, I mean, I'm sorry, this is deep, y'all.

This is vulnerable. I hope that you don't mind. But like, sometimes I have dealt with, and I still do every now and then, feeling like I'm lesser than, unworthy, or incapable when it comes to being loved and giving proper love to other people. And I had to struggle with this my entire life, and I still do for sure, but definitely not as much as I used to when I was much less aware of how my ADHD really affected my life.

I think that ADHD oftentimes, like, gets turned into a joke and we oftentimes don't really recognize it as something that really seriously affects people's lives, but it seriously does. Like, it is a neurodivergency, if that's, like, the right word for it, and, and it really does affect how, how you behave, how you think about things, and it affects your relationships and your relationship with yourself. And my... I- in, in my entire life, you know, it has totally made an impact and it still does to this day, but it has also catapulted me into success to where I am today too.

It's really interesting. It's super fascinating how something that has really, you know, impacted me negatively has also impacted me so much more positively at the end of the day. And I don't think that if I didn't have ADHD, I honestly don't even know if I'd be in this industry. I don't know if I'd be where I am today.

I don't know if I would have thought against what everybody else thought was the right path or the right thing to do when I knew what the right thing to do was for myself. I don't know if I would have followed that journey and that dream if it wasn't for my ADHD and just b- me being who I am, right? And my brain being what it was and my thought processes being what they were. So, I hope that you guys don't mind me getting a little bit vulnerable with you today.

This month is May right now when I'm recording this, and it is Mental Health Awareness Month, and that's why I'm going to be doing a bunch of episodes about mental health, specifically within the beauty industry, but just for human beings in general. I think that anybody could get a lot of out of these episodes, and hopefully you will. I'm, I'm gonna be sharing a lot of my own experiences and a lot of my own struggles with mental health throughout this month, and, um, some tips and tricks about how I've gotten to where I am, um, achieved the things that I have achieved, even with the struggles that I've had with my own mental health. So, if you're ready, let's get into it.

Let me guess. You are a hustling, bustling hairstylist behind the chair, working so hard to build a beautiful career for yourself, one that gives you time, freedom, and energy to spend with yourself, your family, and your friends. But you feel like you're always working in your business, even when you're not behind the chair. My name is Hunter Doan, and I help you automate your systems and implement really beautiful strategies so you can grow your business without the overwhelm, and this is the Modern Hairstylist podcast.

So I'm gonna be talking to you about a lot of things today. I'm gonna be talking to you about my personal story and journey with ADHD. I'm gonna be talking to you about what I have found really helps me be successful in my tasks and my life in spite of that ADHD, and I'm also gonna be talking to you about how the stigmatization of it is just awful and that you're not alone, and, uh, sharing some love with you today. But before we get into all that, I just wanna share with you what ADHD actually is from my understanding and what ADHD feels like.

And it's so interesting when I break down what ADHD feels like to people because people who don't have ADHD, they, they oftentimes maybe may be in a relationship with somebody with ADHD, or they've seen somebody, or they have a child with ADHD, and it's really hard for people with, without ADHD to, to not take things super personally and to fully recognize, like, what's going on in somebody's brain. And I've just broken down this, this example to people many a times, and it has, like, really changed their perspective. And so I hope that it changes yours if you're somebody who doesn't have ADHD, and I hope that this makes you feel validated and not alone if you do have ADHD, okay? I wanna preface this by saying I am not a medical professional at all.

I am not giving you medical advice. I am not giving you therapy advice. I'm not giving you psychological advice. I am not qualified, nor am I giving you any of that.

I am just sharing my own story, sharing what I have learned through my own research and education, and, um, sharing what I have found really works for me, okay? And so, nobody should be taking this advice as, like, real-ass medical advice. You should be talking to a professional for that if you're looking for that, all right? Let's talk about...

From my understanding, what ADHD actually is and what ADHD feels like, let's start with what ADHD feels like for me, okay? I actually stole this from a TikTok. I saw this TikTok and I was like, "Yup, this is me and it totally makes sense, and this is how I'm gonna explain it from now on." So ADHD feels like you wake up in the morning...

And this is, like, totally true, you wake up in the morning and you're like, "Okay, I have to do all these things to start my morning off." So you're like, "Okay, I need to go brew my coffee, so I'm gonna go start the coffee." So you're walking to go start the coffee and then you're like, "Oh, wait, but I also have to start breakfast." So before you start the coffee, you go and open up the fridge and then you s- put something in the toaster or the microwave or something like that, right?

Or you put a pan on the stove and start cooking breakfast, and you didn't even brew the coffee yet. Then you're like, "Oh my gosh, wait, but I have to brush my teeth." Or, "Oh my gosh, wait, I have to feed my cat." So then, like, in the middle of you cooking breakfast, you, all of a sudden you're, like, going and feeding the cat.

And then you, like, fill... Y- like, as you're going to fill the cat food bowl, you actually go and, like, brush your teeth because you're like, "Wait, I need to brush my teeth." And so you end up leaving so many things behind because you are thinking 10 steps ahead and you are, you do things half-ass because you start to think about the things that you have to do otherwise, and then you will do them instead of completing the first task. And it, you can just c- you're just like a tornado.

Like, that's how you feel. You feel like a tornado and you feel like you, you cannot just focus on the one thing that's right in front of you. And as you can imagine, or as you can feel me, depending on who you are listening to this, that can create a lot of issues, not only in yourself, but also in the relationships that you have with other people, especially that you live with, or you work alongside with, right? An- and it's- it's- it's awful.

We wish that we weren't like this and we never want to, um, we never want to offend people, we never wanna f- seem ignorant to people. Like, my boyfriend will get upset if I, like, leave something out on the table, you know, 'cause he likes things to be really neat and clean. We're, like, the complete opposite. I feel bad that, you know, I might have left this- this thing out of the fridge and it went bad, but I literally was not even thinking about it in the moment, and my brain is moving a million miles per minute and it's really hard to manage.

So that's, like, what ADHD feels like. And I- I read somewhere, I forget when I read it and where I read it from, and again, not a medical professional, but this definition of ADHD made the most sense to me. It really resonated to me and it really put things into perspective for me. So what ADHD is theorized to be is our brains, as people with ADHD, they don't produce dopamine as easily as other people's brains, right?

So our dopamine is not triggered and released as easily by certain tasks or certain stimuli or interactions as maybe it would for other people. So what happens is, is when we're in the middle of a task, we aren't getting the same release of reward in our brain as somebody else may be, especially if it's, like, something that's super boring or something that we're really not passionate about, and so we're always looking for the next dopamine release. We're always looking for the next reward, and we're always, like, looking ahead. And it totally makes se- made sense when I read that definition.

I was like, "That is exactly it." It's like there's no satisfaction or there's no, like, anything that's holding my focus in this situation because there's nothing that's rewarding my brain for being focused on it, right? Versus if you have something that you're really passionate about, such as, for me, like cosmetology. When I was in beauty school, when I was in vocational school, or this industry in general, I have never been able to pay attention in a, in a high school academia class, right?

But I was always able to pay attention in cosmetology school because I was so passionate about it and it was a really easy, like, dopamine release for me, right? So I was hyper-focused because it's something that gave me a lot of pleasure and reward, right? And so when I heard that definition, it made so much sense to me, and I hope that my ADHD isn't jumping out too much right now and I hope that you guys are following along, but that just kinda blew my mind when I heard that definition, and that's exactly how I feel about it. But I think that there are a bunch of different theories about what ADHD actually is and what it isn't and how it works in the brain, so you do your own research and decide for yourself what it actually means and what it is to you.

But for me, that makes the most sense by far. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a really young age. I was diagnosed when I was in second grade and it was because my mom was like, "Dude, this kid is wild." Like, I was a menace as a child.

I was so, like, disobedient, I was crazy, I was bouncing off the walls all the time. I had a really hard time focusing in class and always on the report card, as I'm sure every hairdresser can relate, even if you didn't have ADHD , on the report card it always says, like, talks too much to others in the class or, like, distracts the class, right? And so I think that my second grade teacher, Mrs. Maloney, which I freaking love that woman, shout out to her , um, I think that she recommended to my parents that I get evaluated and my parents were totally open to it, and thank God that she did.

And I definitely was diagnosed with ADHD, there's no doubt about it. Like, this is not a self-diagnosis situation, this isn't a joke, this is seriously something that I am diagnosed with, and it's something that means that I just think and I have a different way of how my brain works than other people, right? And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but with that does definitely come some struggles. I actually was medicated for ADHD from second grade all the way up until, I think, my, like, junior year of high school.

I, I don't know, my medicine just, like, started to act really weirdly with me and my behavior as I... I showed up to school and I was just, like, pissed off all the time. I was just, like, annoyed and anxious. Like, I mean, I was already, like, a junior in high school and, like, all pissed off just because of that.

But I was also... The medicine just gave me so much anxiety, and so I stopped taking any medicine for my ADHD, and I was completely fine. And, and as some of you guys know, if you know my story with the beauty industry, I started vocational school for cosmetology at the age of 16, and so I started beauty school my sophomore year of high school. And because of that, I was doing something that I absolutely loved, right?

I was doing something that I absolutely loved, and it made my school days so much better. So, the way that it worked was, like, we would do a half day of regular high school, like your normal academics, and then the rest of the day, you would do your cosmetology program or whatever your vocational trade class was. And because of that, I loved the second half of my day, and it really helped me get through the school day and, like, actually be really excited for showing up to school because I was learning s- about something that I absolutely loved. And I...

uh, there was a bunch of reasons why I got into the industry that had nothing to do with my ADHD, but I realized that this industry was really great for me from such a young age because I started in a salon on my 16th birthday. Like, that was my first day at a salon. And what I realized was... is that this job holds me accountable.

It doesn't allow me to procrastinate. It doesn't allow me to be lazy. It doesn't allow me to get distracted. It's like I have to show up because the client is sitting in my chair, right there, and they hold me accountable to getting shit done.

I have people on my calendar and I have to show up and I have to serve them, and there's no other choice. Where, like, otherwise, if I had some, like, weird corporate desk job, then I wouldn't necessarily have anything holding me accountable to getting things done, and I'd most likely be late and and anxious and, like, procrastinate all that I wanted to and never get anything done. And so when I got into the salon and when I started taking clients behind the chair shortly after graduating high school, I realized, like, this job is so badass for me because I have no choice but to show up. And that was kind of the beginning of why I teach what I teach now.

It was the beginning of me teaching or learning about how systems that hold me accountable are so important for me as somebody who gets distracted or somebody who can get overwhelmed really easily, because it forces me slash makes it easy for me to show up even when I don't feel like showing up. And so to this day, I, I do have medicine now. I am prescribed medicine. However, I do not take it all the time.

I really only take it if I feel like I'm getting distracted and I really need it, or, like, if my brain just is like, "This is something that's really boring," and you don't wanna do it, but you have to do it anyway. That's normally when I'll go ahead and take it. But I have just been able to, fortunately, get really clear and aware of how my ADHD works, what it actually means for me, and what tips, tricks, and tools really work to help me work through it and be successful in my life and my career. What needed to happen first, though, before I got into tangibly creating systems and tools to help me, you know, manage my ADHD, what ha- what needed to happen first was my mindset around it, because it was really easy for me to just label myself as somebody who doesn't do this or somebody who does do that, somebody who's just not gonna be successful, somebody who never gets a task done and completes it fully, somebody who is this, somebody who's that.

It's like I was telling myself all of these stories because of my behaviors throughout my entire life, and still to this day. And what I realized was, like, after going through therapy and after reading Atomic Habits and, like, all that, I realized the story that I'm telling myself is the story that's going to be true. Perception is everything. If I am just gonna continuously perceive myself as this person who doesn't complete something or this person who won't be successful, um, in something, or no matter how hard I try, I won't get there, if I keep on telling myself this story, then I am never going to be the person who does complete tasks, who is successful, who gets what they want, who can show up and do the work, right?

And so I tried my absolute best, even in the hardest of times when it's really hard, to start to tell myself a different narrative and be very aware of my ADHD and be okay with what effects come with that, but not make excuses for myself and just give up, because it's really easy to give up. It's really easy to give up, and it's really easy to believe the stories that we're told by ourselves and from so many others, especially when we're growing up. It's so easy to believe them and then to not want to change them or to not want to chase our dreams and chase our goals just because of this false negative narrative, right? Especially when you're younger and you have ADHD, and especially if you've gone undiagnosed for a long time.

Like, I am so grateful that I have been diagnosed from a young age. If you've gone undiagnosed for so long, like your entire life you may have not been the best student or you may have not even known that this is a thing for you, and you've been told by so many people that you're just not responsible or you're lazy or whatever, or y- that's what you've been telling yourself, and, you know, we just need to fight that within ourselves and we need to understand that this is actually a superpower.And that we can take what we have been given and gifted and use it to focus on the things that really matter, that really make us passionate, and stop focusing on the bullshit and focusing on the things that society wants us to do, right? And focus on the things that we really love and we're really, we're really into, right?

And that's the whole entire reason that I became a hair dresser. It was because I found something that I really freaking thought was beautiful and although it wasn't the traditional path for what traditional success looks like, I chased it and I was able to make it something fucking beautiful and life-changing for myself. And that was because I only wanted to do things that made me happy and that felt authentic to me. And I think that my ADHD really cleared that path for me and put me on that journey, and I am forever grateful for that, to have this gift of mine, right?

And to be able to share this story and to be able to have had the experiences that I've had, to be able to share with others and to be able to help others. Like, it is really, really important that we look at ourselves and what we have and our past behaviors and whatever, and we understand that everything is meant to be and happens for a reason. And there is power in your story, and there's power in how you use what is dealt to you. So like I have alluded to, and what I always freaking talk about in my podcast, my education, and my social, everything, is what has changed my freaking life and what has brought me to where I am today is creating systems that make things easy for me, that hold me accountable to getting shit done.

And what I want you to think about is, like, when you have somebody or something that's holding you accountable, such as, like, a deadline, right? You get it done and you work hard to get it done. Versus if you're the only thing that's holding you accountable and there's nothing, like, tangibly, like, really putting pressure on you to get things done, then it never gets done. Or it might not get done because you have to rely on yourself to be the one who's managing you, right?

And that's really hard when you have ADHD. And so that's why I've created my education and that's why I stumbled upon my own systems because I was like, "Shit, I need something that's going to make sure that I'm showing up for myself. I need to make sure that I'm planning in advance and that I'm making lists and I'm project-planning and I'm doing all these things." And so I am going to be sharing with you what some of those tangible, actionable, real tools and tips are in one of the episodes that I'm gonna be sharing with you this month, in May, Mental Health Awareness Month.

So be sure to tune in, subscribe to, to this podcast wherever you're listening to it. And if you struggle with ADHD or even if you struggle with any mental health situation, if you feel like you have this shitty narrative of yourself for whatever reason, I just want you to know that you're not alone and that we live in a world and a society that wants us to do things that we were never meant to do. Like, we were not meant to be living how we're living right now, and we're not built for that, right? We have caveman brains that just have not developed into the fast, crazy pace of what life is today.

But what you have the power of is being aware of what you have, what your past experience has bee- has been and how it affects you, and how you want to move and act moving forward, right? You have that power, and all it takes is just showing the F up for yourself and telling yourself that you are a badass, that you will get this done, that you will be successful, and that you are fully capable of achieving every single fucking thing that you want in your life. Period, okay? But it takes a little bit of hard work, it takes a little bit of sacrifice, and it takes tools and resources and mentorship to get there, so I highly recommend that you lean into all of that for yourself, okay, my friend?

So much love to you. I'm really excited to get into the rest of Mental Health Awareness Month. I'm gonna be talking about so many different things that don't have to do with ADHD, that do have to do with ADHD, whatever. It's gonna be lit.

It's gonna be great. I'm so excited about it, and I hope that you have a blessed rest of your freaking day. Hey, before you head out of here, before you listen to the next podcast, I want you to leave me a five-star review wherever you're listening to this. And if you're listening to this on Apple Music, um, or on Apple Podcasts, I would really appreciate if you left a small little testimonial or blurb just explaining your experience listening to The Modern Hairstylist podcast.

It would mean a lot to me and it helps me reach more beauty professionals just like you who are looking to achieve beautiful, badass things and change the narrative of this industry. So much love to you. Thank you for tuning in, and peace out, girl scout. Bye-bye.

End of transcript. © 2022 Hunter Donia LLC.