You Are Not Your Business - Separating Your Personal Worth From Your Career Success

Hello, my friend. If you are somebody who is listening to this who is an entrepreneur, a CEO, a really passionate business owner, a really passionate hairstylist, somebody who absolutely is in love with their career and what they get to do every single day, somebody who really gives a shit about what they do, somebody who would even say that your career brings you fulfillment, or that it is who you are and that it runs through your blood, right, all of that, if you are one of those things, I can relate to every single one of them. And I know exactly how you feel about that. And what I personally, and you tell me if you can relate to this, send me a DM if you can relate to this, sometimes it can be really beautiful and gratifying when I have the ups, right?

The high ticks in my business and my, and my career. When things are going really freaking well and I'm doing the things that I love doing and I'm making a whole lot of money, right, it feels really beautiful and great. But the lows are intense. They are hard.

They can really F with your wellbeing. They can give you anxiety, depression and you, they can make you start to feel imposter syndrome and feel like you aren't worthy as a human being. And so because this is something that I understand and that I've been struggling with over the past couple years, I wanted to make this episode because I have gone to therapy for this, continuously go to therapy for this, do a lot of mindset work around this. And to understand that I am not my business, and I want you to listen to that right now, is that you are not your business.

Yourself, your own personal worth, everything, it is completely different than this beautiful career that you're creating for yourself. So we're gonna dive deep into that today. I'm gonna challenge you to be open-minded. I'm gonna challenge you to be, get vulnerable with yourself and real with yourself here today.

I know this isn't gonna be some sexy strategy stuff like I normally talk about, but I think that the mindset, right, is first and foremost when it comes to being a successful CEO. And, you know, as much as I love all the sexy strategy stuff, the mindset stuff is super important, and we have to pay attention to it. So I want you to come into this, take deep breaths, open ears, ready to receive. Let's go.

What's the tea, friend? My name's Hunter Donia, industry business educator for hairstylists, but my friends just call me Hunty. Whether it be growing your clientele, making more money, or automating and streamlining your systems, in the next 20 minutes or so, you'll be hearing realistic, actionable strategies to create a beautiful career for yourself behind the chair. So if you're ready to get into it, welcome to the Modern Hairstylist podcast.

Okay. So like I said, over the past couple years, my journey through entrepreneurship has been a little crazy, and not even just, you know, when I started to own my own business, but, you know, even just owning my own chair, right, even as an employee, and consistently evaluating, like, "Am I a good hairdresser? Um, am I as skilled as the rest of these people? Um, do my clients actually like the work or do they just like me?

Um, or is it vice versa? Do clients actually, um, like the customer experience that I'm giving them or do they just like the work that I'm doing? Or, uh, why can't I be as successful as this person, or as w- this person's business looks so amazing and fantastic and they look like they do it flawlessly, yet mine looks like this and I'm not where I wanna be yet?" Those thoughts, they are so intense, they are so consistent, and it is definitely the hardest part of being a business owner, of being a passionate entrepreneur.

And specifically within this industry, I think this can be super amplified because we are an industry that is extremely inundated in social media. We have, like, a c- a pretty tight-knit community. Although it's large, within social media, we are keeping up with what everybody else is doing, and we all too often can compare ourselves to other people. But specifically with our industry, it really comes down to this is something that we got into because we love it, because it allows us to make an impact in other peoples' lives.

It creatively fuels us. It's fun. It is exciting. It is something that we did out of passion.

So all too often, we'll end up wrapping our own, our whole identities into what we do in this industry, because it brings us so much fulfillment, it brings us so much passion, it brings us so much joy. And all too often, that can actually cause a lot of toxic bad things and thoughts to happen in your brain, because the tea is, right, and if you didn't listen to How to Get Over the Guilt of Taking Off episode, I think it's, like, a couple episodes before this one that you're listening to right now. If you haven't listened to that one, listen to that, because I'm definitely, this is, like, the, this is, like, the follow-up to that one, okay? I'm gonna be talking about a lot of the same points, but expanding on them.

So I think that this industry specifically struggles with this topic the most because we got into this industry because we love it, right? It's not your traditional, you know, college-educated job where somebody's working in finance because it'll make them money, right? It is something that we got into this because our body, our soul, the universe was pushing us into it. This was nothing that we force ourselves to do.

It was something that... Or, like, we're dragging ourselves to do. It was something that we very consciously, and through adversity, right? Through, you know, pushing through societal pressure of going the traditional route, we decided to be in this industry, and therefore, we must have some sort of passionate connection to what we do in our career.

We can't forget that this is how we make money. This is your job. And as much fulfillment and as much... beauty that you get to create with this powerful, amazing career and skill set that you have and business that you have.

It's so important for your own mental health, the success of the business even, and the success of your own personal life to understand the separation between you and the business, you and the clients that you do every single day, the services, the marketing, right? It's all things that you are creating and putting out into the world to advance in your career and your business, to further, yes, make an impact and have a purpose and have a passion. But at the end of the day, none of that stuff matters if you aren't going back to who you are as a human being, how you're living your life, how the career and the business that you're creating is conducive to the success and happiness that you experience in your life, all the experiences that you have. Is your business something that you rely on to give you gratification and purpose or is it something that you are using as a tool to create money to fuel your own personal life?

And I think that those things don't have to be, you know, black and white. I think that a lot of the times those things can mix together. However, I think what ends up happening is when we go too ham, when we go too hard into feeling as if this is our identity, this is what brings us joy and fulfillment and passion, then we are victim, kind of, to the ebbs and flows and inevitable hard times that our businesses deal us, right, give us, because this is what entrepreneurship looks like. You are going to challenge yourself.

There's gonna be challenging times. The world is going to change. If you were a stylist through the co- COVID-19 pandemic, right, and you had to go through quarantine, who the hell would have expected that to happen? But nonetheless, it happened and things are going to continuously happen in the world that are going to throw you off, that are going to challenge you.

You're gonna have really high highs and you're gonna have really low lows, and it all has to do with your business. So what ends up happening is if our per- if we entangle our personal self-worth, how we judge ourselves, how we view ourselves, and how we rank ourselves as far as our worth goes in this life, if we entangle that all into how well our business is doing, which I see all too often, I do it myself, and if you're listening to this, I'm sure that you can relate with this in one way or another. Then not only will your business go through those ebbs and flows, but it's gonna take you along the ride with you, and it's going to be really difficult for you in the lows to show up for yourself and the business because you're allowing the low to become such a personal, emotional thing. I have these thoughts all the time whenever something's not working out how I want it to or we didn't meet the goals that we wanted to meet, right, in my business.

Or, I mean, damn, even when one little customer tells you one little bad thing and you go into this wild spiral of maybe this industry isn't the right from- right one for me. Maybe I'm not that great of a hairdresser. Damn, I wish I would have done this better or I wish I was better period, right? Those thoughts can creep in so easily, so quickly from the smallest little things that happen within your business.

And I'm gonna validate those feelings and I'm not gonna say that those feelings are ever gonna go away. But what I am gonna say is I think it's important that we consciously practice separating ourselves, our own worth, our own personal life from our business, the worth of our business, how well our business is doing, what's going on in there, the negative and positive experiences that you have in it, because it allows the business to thrive more and yourself to thrive more if we end up doing so, right? If we have a really good mental separation between how we feel about what's going on in the business and how we feel about what's going on in our personal lives, then you are able to show up much more proactively versus reactively in your business. So, you know, I just did an episode about not lowering your prices, right, because of the looming recession that we have going on, and I talked a lot about emotional decisions based upon fear.

All too often, I think the statistic is 85% of all, um, human decisions on average are made purely by emotion, and I bet you that the top 500 Fortune companies, those CEOs, they're not making decisions based upon their emotions They're making decisions based upon analytical strategy and what's on paper and what is best for the business. They are very strategically laid out decisions, and it takes you doing the work of understanding that your business is not your identity to be able to approach those things strategically, analytically, not emotionally, to, uh, to make sure that your emotion isn't driving a decision that you might make or how you're feeling about things to do something that might make the business even worse for you or put you in a different space that you a- was worse off than where you were before. So I think it's really important that we separate those things. So how do we actually separate those things?

I think that we should separate those things as much as possible, first and foremost, by setting boundaries between you and your business. That's very first and foremost, and you know that I talk all about boundaries all the time and using systems to separate you and your business, especially as an independent professional, to make it so that way when you are not working and y- when you're not doing administrative work or taking education... that you truly have a personal life that you can completely focus on and pour into without business stepping in and creeping in and always being a part of your life. Because if it's always a part of your life, if you're allowing your clients to text you at any times, days, if you're answering emails at any times or days, if you're on vacation, if you're with your family and you are, you know, rescheduling, scheduling appointments, working on your social media, commenting on social media, whatever it may be, if you're doing all that stuff while you are in the depths of the experiences of your personal life outside of work, then it's always gonna be a constant thought for you.

It's gonna be really difficult for you to turn off that business brain because now it's a habit. Habits are really difficult to break. And habits just consistently keep on coming up in your brain, right? And so that is going to make it really difficult for you to really separate you from your business because you don't- you're n- you're allowing the business to creep into your personal life.

So when you are with your family, when you're going to dinner with them, even when you're eating, eating with them at home, watching a movie together, when you are, um, on vacation with each other, when you're going through those experiences in life, it is so important that you have the systems in place so that way you can still uphold the professionalism of your business and make sure that your clients are still taken care of. However, you aren't a servant to the business all the time and you can completely pour your 100% self into the moment that you have with those people 'cause it's going to really help you with separating you and the business. So boundaries is absolutely number one. Number two is understanding that this, like, facade that is out here in today's day and age with social media, with news, with, uh, just the facade of capitalism in general, right, of, you know, just because y- this person has more money or has more clients or is charging more price, a, a higher price, right, or sees this many clients or has a whole salon or has this type of business that that somehow makes them better than you or determines that you are lesser than, making sure that you are moderating and taking responsibility for what you are consuming when that comes to anything.

A lot of it has to do with social media. Maybe it's, uh, even another person that you speak to that makes you feel like shit about yourself, right? Comparing yourself to others and comparing your business to others, right? It is number one way, the number one way, to start to make, to feel like shit about yourself, right?

And then not only do we like, "Oh, damn. I, like, our business is never gonna be as w- what we want it to be," but then furthermore, we're like, "Why can't I, the human being, make a business that is what we want it to be or as good as these people's?" That's what ends up happening when we consume all of this shit. Furthermore, I see a whole lot of freaking fear-mongering shit all the time nowadays that is just dis- like, disgusting marketing strategies that just makes people feel like shit and creates awful urgen- urgency and scarcity inside of people that furthermore drives the emotion and literally keeps people up at night.

And that is stuff that you should not be consuming. If you struggle with separating your business, your worth, and your mental health from your personal life, then you should b- be really careful about what you're consuming, especially when you're not in work mode. I muted everybody on social media that makes me feel like shit. Even if I love those people, just because I may end up comparing myself to them, they're muted.

It's done. It's over. And I will talk to them and have a genuine, authentic conversation with them in the DMs or through text or through phone, but I'm not, I don't have to keep up with what they're doing on social media for them to be a friend. And I will s- continuously follow the people and the things that make me feel empowered or give me inspiration without any self-doubt, right, any feelings of self-doubt or negativity.

Only things that are positive and are going to push me forward. I think it's important to be aware of our weaknesses, but I don't think that it's very healthy to continuously be triggered and, especially when you're n- when you don't have a good understanding of how to, uh, handle those triggers, right? I don't think it's important at all. I think it's very harmful to continuously keep triggering yourself and going down those spirals, right?

So I think it's really important that we stop comparing ourselves so much to this façade of all these people's beautiful businesses and their beautiful lives that they get to cr- make for themselves 'cause trust and believe, behind closed doors, there is crazy shit that we all have to deal with every single day. We all have our own demons and beings that, and, and negative thoughts that creep in, right? And in today, day, today's day and age with social media and how we compare ourselves to each other, it's really difficult to escape that. So t- I'm gonna challenge you right now to take true responsibility for how you are consuming and what you're consuming And if it's making you feel like shit, stop fucking consuming it, please, I beg you.

Please, please, please, please, please. It'll really, really help. The last thing that I would suggest is making sure that you are creating a personal life for yourself. This is something, as a single individual, eh, who doesn't have any kids, it's actually kinda difficult for me because, you know, my business is really something that I am extremely passionate about and that I absolutely love.

And getting to serve you is such a privilege. So it is something that takes up a lot of my brain space. And it is, like, my, quote-unquote, "baby." It is the thing that I am pouring into 100% 'cause I don't necessarily have anything else to pour into.

But I do, and that is myself, right? We all too often forget that it's so important to pour into yourself and to do things and to have practices in your daily life or in your routine that is pouring into yourself. And I'm not just fucking talking about getting a massage or getting your nails done, right? O- oftentime, when we think about self-care or pouring into ourselves, we think about these, like, relaxing things.

What about the things that challenge you as a human beingWhat about the things that create personal development in you, that are hard work and not relaxing but can be really gratifying for yourself and raise your perception of self-worth for yourself, right? Those- those things, the things that take harder work, right? That's the type of stuff I'm talking about. That stuff can really help you in discovering that, oh wow, I am a very worthy human being and yeah, this business is something that I absolutely love, but at the end of the day, it is also a tool that makes me money, and the world is going to change.

Hell, someday ro- a robot might take over your entire job, right? A robot might freaking start to cut and color hair and people will trust them more than us. So fucking be it. You will be able to pivot, you are a strong, smart human being who is capable of adapting.

And you don't have to be consistently freaking out about everything that's going on in your business or super down on yourself because your business isn't where you want it to be yet, because at the end of the day, you are given one freaking life to live, and that life is precious and important, and it is so, so crucial that you are, yes, creating a career and a tool, right? Like that's what your job is, it's a tool to make money to invest into your personal life, but also doing the work outside of your business for yourself that is truly going to help you and your- your feeling of wellbeing and worth in your own personal life as a human being. So again, that looks like therapy possibly, that looks like, you know, focusing on your fitness in one way or another, um, that looks like having consistent planned, um, uh, very particular focused time with your family and your friends, that looks like maybe having hobbies that have nothing to do with your business. And for me, going through, like, my journey of separating my business from my personal life, it was really difficult for me sometimes to find value in things that weren't further investing into my business.

Um, like for example, like, I don't know, like knitting, let's say. Let's say that you have always been in- invested in maybe or interested in knitting, let's say, right? To me, my thought would be like, oh but knitting isn't gonna help me, like, make more money or it isn't gonna help me move the business forward, right? But it can be a beautiful self-gratifying accomplished feeling when you are learning it, when you're doing it, right?

When you're creating and you are able to create something that is purely for yourself. You are doing this for yourself. And then furthermore, you know, you're able to make an impact because you can give homemade gifts to your friends and your family, right? I'm just using knitting as an example, but I think it's super important for us super hyper-focused entrepreneurs 'cause I know that's the majority of you listening to this, that's why I'm making this episode, for you who are- is- is super into making the business that- of your dreams, that you love, that does bring you a lot of passion and fulfillment, right?

It's so important that you understand that that business is not gonna thrive, it's not going to get to where you want it to be, and you are going to be putting in so much time, effort, thought, and worry and energy into something that is never going to be what you want it to be if you don't understand first how to take care of yourself and what your own worth is separate from what your business is and how it's doing. Just because your business may be declining does not mean there's anything wrong with you as a human being, um, and it doesn't mean that, you know, this person is doing one thing right and you're doing it wrong We all have our own separate journeys, and we should all be staying in our own lanes, and we should all be taking very good care of ourselves, because if you can't take care of yourself, you cannot take care of anything or anyone else, and that includes your business, okay? So this is my- me giving you permission to freaking, like, take a step back from the business for a moment, 'cause it's important that you do, and set up systems and things in your life that will be conducive to the success of your mental health and your happiness as a human being in general, because it will truly allow you to come back to your business and make better decisions, be less reactive and more proactive, pour more passion, creativity, love, and motivation into the business, and that's all- that's like the best of both worlds, right? That's the best of both worlds, and that's exactly what you deserve, and you are 100% capable of creating the business of your dreams that allows you to live the life of your dreams as well too.

And I'm looking forward to continuously supporting you in that journey here on the Modern Hairstyles podcast or in any programs. Shout out to you, my friend, for listening to this episode or tuning in to the Modern Hairstyles podcast every week. Thank you so much for leaving a five star testimonial wherever you're listening to this. It helps us make a bigger impact in the hairdresser/beauty industry community.

Post this on your stories and tag me if you had a good time listening to this episode, if I resonated in any way, 'cause I would love to chat with you about it and give you a big thank you, and I hope that you have a beautiful rest of your day. Peace out, girl scout.

End of transcript. © 2023 Hunter Donia LLC.